4am: Wake up in cold sweat. Where did it come from? Whose is it? Return to sleep.
1pm: Wake up in warm sweat. People pay a lot of money for this: mineral bath. Could I charge money to let people sleep in my bed in the naturally occurring warm sweats?
115pm: Begin working on business plan. Could this be my last business plan pull before I succumb to the disease?
3pm: Inquire about a personal loan. If I only have a week to live I’m gonna party like it’s 1999 (and I’m dying of bird flu so I want to make the last week of my life exciting).
4pm: Work in the lab on science.
430pm: Cure cancer accidentally. Still no cure for bird flu.
6pm: Not much time left, trying to combine all of the things I want to do before I die. Can I bungie jump while eating a giraffe and having a threeway with two hot brunette indie rock chicks? Will they try to eat some of the giraffe????
830pm: Hit an emu’s neck with a baseball ball (just picture it! So fun it should be illegal),
835pm: Find out hitting an emu’s neck with a baseball bat IS illegal. How far away is Mexico from Revesby?
1012pm: Teach “Coping with Bird Flu” course at community centre. Students don’t appreciate the special guest appearance by bird flu, have trouble coping.
11pm: Take home student to sleep with. Course groupies rock. Sleep contentedly. Guilt of infecting her with bird flu not yet realised.