Wanted:

One hotbabe to attend Antony and the Johnsons concert in Sydney with, some time between January 13-15 (3 shows to choose from, YAY!).

I'll be damned if I miss this show. I'll also be damned if I go alone.

How Many Times Did This Have To Happen...

Noticed on the side of an Easyways beverage:

"WARNING: Drink slowly. Toppings may be a choking hazard."

BREAKING NEWS!

Lance Thompson Sings With The Sharks

Stripped

OMG! I feel like Christina Applegate’s song describes me bestest right now.

I picked up this month’s issue of Cleo and turned the page to STUNNING REVELATIONS!

I have been stripped of my title of ‘Cleo Bachelor of the Year’ for the following reasons:

• Sleeping with judges/ barristers
• Dabbling in the ‘black’ arts: hip hop
• Being too down with Mother Nature
• Rejecting Cleo as my God
• Being too much of a manwhore

If Only…

I once knew a hotbabe whose father owned a really great gelato outlet. I can’t help but wonder where I’d be now if I was with her. She looked like a feeder too, so I think I’d find myself a heaving mass of lust/green tea gelato.

The Devil, Thy Name Is Butterscotch

If the Devil was ice cream, we’d all be fucked. Well… except for lactose intolerant people.

Do you have any proof that the devil ISN’T ice cream? I didn’t think so.

Behind Bars

Behind Bars is a daring new documentary which sheds light on the seedy activities which go on behind bars around the country. That’s it, basically... But it’s this year’s ‘Bowling for Columbine’ and ‘Supersize Me’ so you better see it our you’ll be left out of, like, 20 conversations.

Normal Reaction

I have a number (OMG what number, LOL) of instrumentals in my music collection from my days as a rapper. Each time one goes on I plan my triumphant return to the rappering.

Here are some possible album titles for my triumphant return album:

• Jobing Around
• Get a Jobe, You Hippie! (or this album is you are a rich hippie)
• Is This Some Kind of Jobe?
• The Ultimate Collection
• Hotbabes n Hoes
• Just Jobe
• Jobe and His Technicolour Robe
• This Section Should Have Finished 5 Points Ago
• J-Be's Super Rap Trax

Under The Weather

I’m one of those dudes that always feels under the weather. I always feel under the weather and I have no problems with telling absolutely everyone around me. I usually make a note to tell everyone that I feel under the weather at least once. I tell people I have ongoing contact with at least once every three months, just to remind them.

Then I laugh at them when they say they’re never under the weather. THE RAIN CLOUDS (ie weather) ARE ABOVE US, STUPID!

I’m the funniest guy in the world.

Other Blogs Critiqued

Reasons You Will Hate Me

• Not enough reasons to hate.
• Reasons You Will HAT Me? <---potential.

Not Going Nowhere

• Never goes anywhere <---boring
• Actually goes places though.

Chelsea Peretti

• Should make some sort of deli meat? “Is that a Peretti salami?” “Yes!” “Oh, sometimes I find it a bit dry and obscure tasting.” "Yes, but there's lots of it."
• Name is her name <---unimaginative

{{WICKED DJ SCRATCH INTERLUDE}}


Ladycrackerland

• Not enough ladies inhabiting the land.
• Ladycrackerlamps? <---product potential
• What goes on the crackers? Ladies?

I’m On Your Computer

• Vague marketing strategy. Needs to apply himself in class more to see good grades.
• Never mentions hotbabes. Gay? (Why are all the good guys taken or gay or Jobe?)
• Still suffering from Pete Sampras infection.

Much Ado about sumthin!

• Capitalisation breaks down half way through title. Shakespeare meets 14 yr old girl’s diary?
• Too pink.
• Not enough pink.
• Should I go to the park?

I'm (be)Coming! (the hunted)

What, why, where and when?

IT'S HUNTER!

Express Yourself

I’ll tell you what’s the best thing ever: Express Post!

I’ll tell you why it’s the best thing ever: Guaranteed next day delivery!

GUARANTEED! That is, like, binding/a guarantee of quality!

I’ll tell you how to impress people: “Did you get that letter I sent yesterday?” “Whoa! You sent it yesterday! It’s already arrived!” “Yea, I know, I sent it Express Post.” “Oh! That explains the Express Post packaging then… But why wasn’t there anything in the envelope?”

How Was Your Day?

Cunt of a day.

I never understood that phrase until today. It has something to do with spontaneously transforming into a female reproductive organ, right?

Must be, couldn’t be anything else <---internal dialogue.

As Per Request

A lot of people have been requesting that I make up a button so they can link to this site. Here you go:

Hungry (Christmas Merchand)Eyes

Tis the season to buy gifts for your loved ones to prove that you love them and you would take a bullet for them, or at least buy them a gift basket from The Body Shop to make them smell nice in their casket.

SO WHY THE FUCK NOT BUY THEM THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER?

Because you’re cheap? Is THAT why? Damn, I’m so glad I’m not YOUR friend right now.

Well, for those of you who aren’t shit friends, why not buy your friends and family some ill fresh WTOMH merchandise? Check out these fresh t-shirt designs (available in colours*):









Not bad! $19.99









Simple… BUT AMAZING! (versatile?) $19.99








Best 1 Yet! $39.99 (made from the capes of sorcerers)


* note: by colours I mean ‘white’, which is more a shade than anything else… But you’ll still be “cool” in the shade with the shirt on.


Buy Now for guaranteed delivery in time for Christmas!

Inspiration of the Day

From Rize (It was good, Quincy, YOU WAS RIGHT):

“The sky’s the limit…{{DRAMATIC PAUSE}} There is no limit.”

HOLY FUCK BY THAT LOGIC THERE’S NO SKY/has it fallen? (like so many of our former heroes?)

Messing With “The Man” ft. Tracy Spicer

Not many people know this (Oh shit! Jobe’s about to reveal stuff! Gather round? Around what?) but I’m really an anarchist at heart. I disguise it well by working hard in my job for one of the country’s biggest companies, hoping to reach the top and be the best little capitalist on the block (there’s like 3 on my block and we’re all competitive). But, believe me, it’s an ever present/haunting/gifts? element of “me”.

What a lot of people don’t realise is that this whole “Tracy Spicer worship” that I indulge in is just a manifestation of my anarchistic side. Tracy Spicer isn’t the sweet hotbabe that you might think. You see, Tracy Spicer is in the same anarchy club as me!

Today we were out at lunch (Maccas) discussing the latest anarchy “happenings”, since we’re so busy making/reading the news that we barely have time to read it! (Wait? NO MUST MOVE ON!), when we saw a guy obviously acting like “the man” with his friends.

Tracy and I immediately shot each other a glare: we knew this was the perfect opportunity to mess with this man.

And so we did. It was okay. Bit of an anti-climax really.

What’s This Poorly Thought Out Comment On My Blog?

“BEVIS said…

J-Ho should post more often.”

He’s a busy man!

Fuck.

Musical Musings

I don’t get Dizzee Rascal. I don’t see how he could have 90 per cent of critics creaming their panties after his debut album. Today I gave in and listened to it. It was okay without being an orgasm with the fireworks going off in the background.

E-40’s ‘Captain Save a Hoe’, however, made perfect sense.

(is this going to be one of those music blogs now?)

Delicious Nutritious Fact

Herbs make any meal tasty and look well presented.

Do YOU {{control the herbs}}?

Another Chilling Discovery

It’s really hard to chill milk down quickly. It's a fact of life, face it (I don't want to! Facing that fact SCARES me!). With other beverages you can add ice or put it in the freezer. Neither of these options are available to milk or milk products.

I could be patient but I want my milk NOW.

You aren’t better than me for having the patience to wait for the milk to chill in the fridge. You are wasting your life waiting for the milk to chill.

Jezebel’s Jaywalking Journey

Kirsten Dunst stars as Jezebel, a cheery blonde girl with the world at her feet. Jezebel gets everything she wants: the cutest guys, the best clothes and the most functional storage solutions at home.

But Jezebel’s world comes crashing down when she gets caught jaywalking in the city by O’Hara, the toughest cop in the precinct (played by Woody Allen) who is too tough to have a first name. O’Hara hates the way that Jezebel gets everything so easy when he has to struggle to put a loaf of bread on the table (played by Morgan Freedman) so he decides to make an example of her.

How will Jezebel survive in the world’s toughest prison? When will Jezebel’s Jaywalking Journey end? Not any time soon if O’Hara has anything to do with it...

A Chilling Discovery

Since they moved in about a month ago, I’ve watched my new neighbours with a keen interest. I’ve never seen them, but every night I can see their television on the sports channel through the gaps in the blinds in their window.

I thought that they must be big sports fans to watch so much sporting television and never venture outside the house.

But then I thought… what if they were watching sports when they died and no one has discovered their bodies or turned the television off?

WTOMH Hits The Streets (For Opinions)

I was reading a newspaper the other day when I noticed an article on abortion. Quite the contentious issue, I’m sure you’ll agree. It seemed that the public was split right down the middle on the issue and there was no option to just “support abortion a little…” You either take the whole baby or nothing at all. It ruined my dream of watching a half human grow and develop before my eyes a little bit (but not entirely). But the article got me thinking about the issue, so I hit the streets of Sydney to get some opinions on the topic and see what sort of people were taking the two sides of the debate.

I hit those streets so fucking hard. My fists balled up as tight as they would ball. I hit the streets until they were stained with my blood and my knuckles became limp stubs.

But the streets wouldn’t talk. Someone obviously got to them first and made them afraid to talk about abortion…

Honest2Goodness Update

Honest2Goodness would like to let their fans know that Cory is now out of the clinic, where he has been recovering from substance abuse for the past month, and doing well. Cory would like to thank everyone for the amazing support that he has received during this very difficult time.

Cory stated that he will take some time off to get used to his new sober life before considering any possible return to making music.

666th Post!

It’s shaping up to be a GREAT fence (but curse'd?).

5 Reasons Why Birds Are Better Than 1 Million Dollars (And Their Counter Arguments)

1. Colourful! (but imagine all the colours of one millions dollars worth of notes!)
2. Pleasant noise (but imagine the noise of being able to buy things!)
3. Live for a long time (but one million dollars can gain interest and live FOREVER!)
4. Obey laws of thermal-dynamics (dude, WTF!?) <---I win
5. Easy to store (but you can put your one million dollars in a bank account!)

Better Than Sex

You would think that a search of Google for “filthy bitches” would turn up nothing but porn.

You’d be slightly wrong, because the second match out of 1.5 million just happens to be a certain little blog (OMG who is it? Is it IOYC? I bet it is IOYC!). It’s mine! (Oh… <---disappointment) Soon to be known as:

What’s This On My Filthy Bitch!

No Hoodlums in Oatley

I was walking home from the train station the other day when I spied some graffiti on one of the bins in the park near the station:

“Coles In Oatley”

I bet the freedom fighter housewives loved that.