World Cup Drawer

*insert picture of cups in a drawer*

FUCKING HILARIOUS POST IT WOULD HAVE BEEN IS SUCH A PICTURE EXISTED ON GOOGLE

World Cup Draw

Group A
Tumbler
Shotglass
Schooner
Pint

Group B
Midi
Yardglass
Tippy
Plastic


No one has it easily…

Cellfish

All fish are cellfish, because they are made of cells and fish. However, the cells themselves are not very tasty. A little too fishy. And they only act in their own best interests.

Imprisoned in a Cell

Today I got imprisoned in a cell for being so fucking great <---political prisoner.

It was a blood cell and it was a tight fit.

Quick Post

This is just a quick post to let you know that the previous post was slightly incorrect. Apologies for any inconvenience.

Quick Post

This is just a quick post to let you know that this will be the last post for tonight.

Temperature Soars/Sores

As many of you heard/experienced, today in Sydney the temperature hung out with its bad friends and got high as FUCK, yo! *giggle*

Anyway, today I got pretty bad temperature sores as the temperature soared. Yea, it’s a rare condition. *sigh* I feel pretty alone right now.

Lyrics I Never Got…

“R-E-S-P-E-C-T/ Take out the T-P-C”

Rese?

Which raises the question: Was Aretha Franklin a Nazi spy?
Take out the TCP? Take out = bomb. TCP = ? (OMG will we ever know?)

Genre

It looks like the only way to get ahead in music these days is to be on the cusp of a new musical genre. We should probably spare a moment to consider the ramifications, but with the speed that the world moves if we stopped—even for a second—we would be left behind and turn into one of those old guys at shows with the Hawaiian shirt on. You know the types.

Yea, so anyway, I’ve invented a new genre: Pre-punk rock.

I reckon it’ll go well.

Battle of the Species

Horse Power

OR


Cat Power?

WTOMH Live: Hopetoun Hotel, December 5, 2005 (Concert Review)

A crowd of eager punters headed into the Hopetoun in Surry Hills last night to catch the first of the WTOMH Live shows in the summer concert series. The weather definitely lived up to it’s season and provided a balmy eve. And it was also a concert. So people got what they paid for, which can only be a good thing.

Rand and Holland opened proceedings. I arrived late and missed their set so I won’t lie and tell you they were good. I have a reputation to worry about. Jack Ladder, the second support, however, I did see. He was pretty good I guess. Not as good as me. But he’s young and tall so he could probably take up basketball and be okay at that too.

Okkervil River, the final support act, took the stage as a hush slowly fell over the crowd—strong in number despite the show falling on a Monday night—who knew that the WTOMH Live show was drawing closer. They played for far too long, not seeing that the crowd was growing impatient at the amount of time it was taking for me to hit the stage. They cheered louder and louder as the Okkervil River set drew to a close, which the band took as a sign to play longer. The confusion left an irreparable hole in the spirit of rock and roll in Australia.

Finally, I took the stage to rapturous applause/some lighting effects and delivered the final concert blow to vanquish Sping forever (for 9 months? OMG is it pregnant, LOL). People cheered and everything. Breasts were not flashed, because that would be inappropriate, but many cameras did. And that’s somewhat better.

Star sighting: Chris Taylor of The Chaser/CNNNN/Triple J fame showed up to lend his support and see how comedy is really done.

Thanks to everyone who helped put the show on and hi to all the nice people I met.

See you all on Saturday at the Metro for the second of the summer concerts. With a huge cast of supports it's looking like it'll be ever better.

WTOMH Live: What’s This New Way Of Life?

Jobe Uses a Literary Device

This post is like something very good.

Things I Know About Turtles

• Hard in places (Holland?)
• Hardy in plastic
• Possibly edible if prepared correctly
• Slow, though not AS slow as some creatures
• Not related to salmon
• Looks like Tortoise
• Baby turtles would have 38% better chance of survival is named “turtlettes”
• Would win in a race against a leopard that died from emphysema

Put Your Eye On My Microscope

How paedophiles attract nerdy kids?

Or does NO ONE like nerdy kids?

WTOMH Live {{TONIGHT!!}}

Hey folks,

Hope you're all going to join me tonight for the first gig of the WTOMH summer concert series.

It's at the Hopetoun Hotel in Surry Hills and it's only $20 to get in. Excellent support acts also playing such as Okkervil River, Jack Ladder & Rand and Holland

I Can Predict The Future

<>

"What's your last name..."

I predict..... a.... YES!.... I predict a complaint will be lodged AGAINST ME!


So true...

Intimacy

Let’s just stop for a minute. I know it’s not like me at all to stop while we’re in the middle of this, but there’s something I just have to say; something I need to ask you. I laugh. I always laugh when I’m trying to be serious.

Don’t be scared. Really. This is probably nothing to worry about. I laugh again.
“Don’t be silly,” you say. I’m trying not to. It just happens at times like these and I can’t control it. Don’t worry, it will go away soon. I just need to get started.

It’s about your feet. I run my hand down your leg and stroke one of your feet while I say it. I love your feet. They’re small; pristine; cute; well-manicured; supple. I run a finger over your toes as I talk, as if I was naming a reason I love your feet for each toe your posses; counting off the reasons. You’re trying to focus on what I’m saying and not succumbing to the urge to snatch your foot away because the ticklish sensation is too intense to bear.

Your head shakes softly and you come back from where you briefly were. “Get to the point.” I always liked you because you were direct.
There’s something you don’t know about me, I say, removing my hand from your feet because I can feel your legs tremble, not before taking one last grazing stroke. I have a fetish.
“Is it a foot fetish?” you ask, voice bordering between hesitant nervousness and insecure mocking. There’s some laughter in your voice, but it’s not confident like it usually is.
You’re close, I say. But before I tell you what it is I just want you to know that, even though this is a part of who I am, I won’t pressure you to do anything you don’t want to. I laugh a little, spoiling the sincerity of the moment.

“Look,” you say, bringing your legs closer to your body and grabbing my hand with both of yours, doing that amazing thing you do where you caress my hand ever-so-softly with your thumb. “I love being with you. I think…” You hesitate. You never hesitate. “I think I love you.” You stare directly into my eyes and my arms go limp for a moment, luckily you’re holding one up. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

We share the sweetest of embraces.

I pull away and take a deep breath.

I love your feet, I say again. I want to piss on your feet. I laugh. You stare directly into my eyes but it feels different from a moment ago.

You let go of my hand and it falls into my lap.

Neighbours 2: The Revenge

A while back I made a post about how my neighbours are probably dead, even though their TV is set to the sports channel 24 hours a day (because of?). It was regarded as my best post ever, I think.

Anyway, I was woken at 5am today with the sounds of people shouting and singing from the vicinity of… next door? It couldn’t be. My room is on the OTHER side of the house. No one can be THAT loud. I went back to sleep and passed it off as some random drunks.

I was awoken later by the same noises DEFINITELY coming from next door. Not only are these people alive, but they’re pissing off the neighbourhood by playing cricket LOUDLY at 7am on a Sunday morning. CRICKET DOES NOT REQUIRE YELLING EACH BALL (FYI).

Now, I’m not a class warrior or anything, but bogan scum should not mix with well-to-do blogger-type dudes. Unfortunately these people are going to be added to the list of forgettable neighbour-types from that damn rental house if they keep this behaviour up.

Summer Loving

“Your urine smells like corned beef TOO, Senator Joyce? Wow! We have so much in common.”
^^^ excerpt from best firstdate EVER