The Water Is Great In The (Birthing) Pool

So I got some great news while I was at work yesterday: my girlfriend has given birth to a totally rad child. I mean, it wasn’t mine. She got pregnant to the drummer of an emo band we saw together a while ago. But I’m still here, sticking by her, because I’m the nice guy. And I love her?

They asked me if I wanted to eat the placenta of the child. I had a little taste (I’m adventurous with food) but it was a bit gross so I said I was full (of joy) and couldn’t possibly eat more.

So we decided to name the kid Shiloh, which is Namibian for “Superrad BMX Rockstar” and sort of sounds like ‘Silo’, which is good because I like to eat grain which is fresh from silos.

I’m pretty sure the kid is going to be good. I’m going to keep him away from listening to emo and shoddy salesmen, but also shower him with a lot of love, creativity and acid (if he misbehaves/likes it and does all of his chores).

Argh! My girlfriend totally makes me drink Midori and Malibu with Pineapple.