WTOMH Live TONIGHT!

Hey guys,

Our last show on December 23 was the best WTOMH Live! show yet.

Tonight we're back at it with a little help from out friends Antony and the Johnsons.

It's sold out, so tough luck if you don't have tickets.

But if you DO, then come with me, friend.

Jobe.

The Winner is….

Looks like I’ve been nominated in the 2006 Australian blog awards (under the wrong name).

Categories:

• Best Humourous Australian Blog
• Best New Australian Blog

Looks like it’s a “vote based” system though, so I have no fucking chance of winning.

I’m up against my (secret) wife Steph in both categories.

I’m up against a few other kids in both categories too. I shall review them in the coming days, effectively giving them more promotion and ruining my already slim chances.

Where’s a judging panel when you need one?

Questions to ponder:

• How can I be in best Australian blog but not best NSW blog?
• How can this not be in the best personal blogs? THIS IS MY LIFE!
• How the FUCK is IOYC a tech blog?
• How can I be in best new Australian blog but not IOYC?
• I have 865 posts. How can NONE be in best post of the year?
• How the FUCK can I win?

Jobe Uses Another Literary Device

A toast to another morose Jobe post!

Delicious Nutritious Fact

Did you know that meat pies contain more than 30% of your recommended dose of saturated fat each day!

Meat Pie: The power food!

Random on street: “How do they pack so much nutrition in such a small food item?”

I DUNNO!

I’m Finally A Writer!

Well, after years of dreaming I’ve finally become a writer.

That’s right! (write, LOL) I wrote some stuff for Adam’s story:
http://adamisntgoinganywhere.blogspot.com/2006/01/bloggolympics-event-3.html

I think I’ll shop my book around to publishers this weekend.

Wish me luck!

What’s Up With Scientists?

Why do all scientists wear white coats when “in the lab”?

I bet 60% of scientists who wear coats aren’t even working with stuff that can be spilt on their clothing.

Wouldn’t black coats show less stains? Pfft. And they’re supposed to be smart? I wouldn’t be hoping for a cure for cancer any time soon.

PRESS RELEASE: Honest2Goodness Update

Since their highly successful debut album, everyone has been waiting for a follow-up from the sexy boy-band ‘Honest2Goodness’.

We almost saw the release of their second album, Love4Life, in September, but pressure and substance abuse tore the band apart and the album was scrapped.

But the boys are back! Chad, Tad and Mike have gone back in the studio to produce their best album yet.

“Good2BBack” is an album which oozes maturity, catchy melodies and sexy stomachs.

Look for it in stores February 12.

{{SKELETON SIGHTING}}

"Let's plot!"

Star Sigh(n)

It’s so depressing being a Virgo. No one understands what it’s like. Except Virgos, I guess. Or cab drivers. They know fucking everything.

Word spellchecker says that Virgo has to be capitalised. Is that fucking right? I don’t know. I don’t have any real opinion on the issue. I guess it just struck me as odd. I’d never really though about it before.

But all this Virgo though/hate has me thinking that I should maybe try a different star sign for a while. You know, just to see how things go.

I initially thought Gemini, but then I didn’t want to be associated with a shit car. I had a similar problem with Taurus and, on a different level, Libra.

Right now I’m leaning towards Crabcake but it may change. Lamba is pretty cool, or so I’ve been told. Was it people wanting to embarrass me? Only time will tell.

Guest Post: Shark

Oh, hi!

Sorry, I didn’t see you there. I’m pretty bad at seeing things. Unless it’s blood, LOL. But I guess that’s more a point of smelling, rather than seeing. Man, I’m so silly! Just like other sharks.

This sort of brings me to my point of why I’m using Jobe’s blog to appeal to the human public out here. Don’t worry, I didn’t threaten to bite him or anything. I just wrote a pleasant email! Us sharks are a quiet, industrious people and we don’t even like to bother humans!

Check put my pic:

See, I don’t even have teeth!

Look closer:

NOTHING!

Now I don’t want to be a conspiracy nut, but I haven’t seen ANY other sharks with teeth. Do you humans use photoshop too? I bet it was added in digitally.

And why would we attack humans? That’s just silly! A more appropriate question would be:

“What does the government have to gain by making sharks look like a threat?”

Think about it.

Also, I hate being associated with Greg Norman. That guy sucks and has done nothing for human/shark relations at all! None of us like him and he is the only human we would consider eating (if we had teeth).

Not Too Swanky

In the news is the item about Hilary Swank separating from her husband.

Worldwide, billions of guys couldn’t care less.

But somewhere, somewhere in a place no one would ever look, is a guy that’s a little happy he now has a chance.

I’m Scared, Mummy

Well you’ll have to fucking grow up? You wanna be a man, don’t you?

What have people stopped commenting on the blog?

Are they scared?

What’s with that?

Things I Know About Love

• No reason to have premarital sex
• Related to alcohol
• Doves are attracted to it
• Dove chocolate bars are related to it
• The by-product of love is Twix
• The opposite of love is hate
• The opposite of hate is my rock hard man wand
• The opposite of my rock hard man wand is reality
• Babies with arrows will shoot you with love and you are entitled to compensation
• Very little
• Bears feast on it's sweet, sweet tissue
• Frogs?
• Red frogs somehow related to love
• Green frogs related to bitterness and, possibly, rejection of the harshest kind

N’Counta

So I was talking to this hotbabe today. It was going well. Then all of a sudden I realised I didn’t know her name.

“So what’s your name?” I asked.

“Trevor.”

“Pretty name.”

“I hate it. My parents are so boring.”

“TAKE THE FUCKING COMPLIMENT”

“You’re mean!”

“Fuck you, Trevor!”

Taking Out The Trash T-C-B

Tonight I cut my first ever post. Normally I post any old shit, but tonight I got rid of one I'd prewritten.

I feel like I’ve sold out and become “all about the profits”.

Can I At Least Touch It?

I’m thinking of growing a beak. Nothing special, just a little beak to help me out every now and then.


Artist’s Rendition

Advantages of growing beak:

• Get to peck at shit.
• Can go to fancy dress parties as Gregory Peck or Beaker (like Becker, geddit?).
• Magic abilities?
• Increased wealth to the third world.
  

Disadvantages of growing beak:

• No one gets why you go to fancy dress parties as “Beaker”.
• Can no longer spark a joint with the homies, as they would be afraid of catching beak germs and I would have to give up the blog (again) because God knows I have to be high as Wu Tang get to write this shit.
• Old ladies and small children will ask questions.
  

Protekk Ya Neck while in Bangladesh

So I left for a bit of a working holiday yesterday and arrived in sunny Bangladesh today. The purpose of this visit is mostly rap and also a little research, but mostly rap. Bangladesh is famous for its impoverished workers who are forced to rap on CDs for basically no bling at all in shoddy recording booths.

Anyway, the first thing I did when I got to Bangladesh was to check out the marketplace. The only words I could use to describe it would be “marketplace” and “bustling”. The first thing I noticed was the plight of the local merchants. They don’t even have EFTPOS facilities! Can you imagine how hard it would be to run a business where you’re FORCED to accept only cash? Pretty rough if you ask me.

As night began to fall on the market, I did my best to catch it, but I failed and the market was totally destroyed. Fucking night! I’ll curse it for as long as I live!

I was feeling downtrodden and decided to head to my hotel to recover and shed some tears. It was probably the most luxurious hotel I’ve ever seen. And so cheap! All it cost was a handshake and a promise to try the hotel owner’s wife’s famous beef stew. It was a nice stew. After dinner we all rapped. The hotel owner and his wife had a hilarious battle. Gold lines like “I bust quick raps and always come nice on the mic/ But you bust quick like that premature ejaculation you suffered from last night”. Her flow was wack but I laughed, even though the hotel owner said premature ejaculation is no laughing matter.

Quick Survey

Who here knows what a pearl necklace is?

Because none of my shit (read: charmingly innocent and untouched by the "bad world") friends did.

History Seldom Repeats

I made a post a couple of months ago providing tips for Australia’s favourite pastime: Pictionary.

Read it here! It’ll be fun!

Anyway, last night I played my first official pictionary game (yes, I was a virgin, awkward LOL). Best believe I used my tips and my team kicked arse.