PRODUCT OF A LIFETIME

Fun Places To Play The WTOMH? Home Game:

• Home
• Park
• RNB SUPERCLUUUUUB
• Party
  

PRICE:
DO YOU REALLY CARE AT THIS POINT?

ATTN: Hotbabes

Consider yourselves... {{GOOGLED}}

"Mix-tacular" - The Critics

Check out my new mixtape coming soon.

It's a mixtape of other mixtapes I like.

Drunk and Eating Disorderly

Guys, I’m worried that Steph is a bulimic. Check this damning evidence:

"Quick trip to the bathroom, some down the throat action with my fingers and it was all over.

"That'll learn me to be such a pig"

Steph. Don’t do it! You are a wonderful and beautiful woman and we all love you. Don’t throw up anymore, K?

{{The Count}}

2

Public Health Warning

A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down*


* Not medicine for diabetes.

Happy Snapz: Shopping w/ Steph

Talkin’ Dirty

After a light, playful tap on the backside, an ex-hotbabe got a bit crazy.

“Oooo ouch. What was that for?”
“Just a warning.”
“I liked that.”
“Of course. You crave discipline.”
“Perhaps we can continue this later.”
“Depends.”
“On what?”
“My mood.”
“Hmmm well what if I wanted you to be a bit harder on me?”
“I wouldn’t want to hurt you. You’d have to have done something pretty bad to warrant a fierce spanking.”
“I’m cheating on you.”
“WHAT THE FUCK? That’s just wrong.”
“I’m sorry. I…”
“NO! Fuck off and die.”

{{The Count}}

1

The Road To Raw

I’m wondering how long out from the heats I should finalise my list of jokes and get busy memorising.

I have a really bad memory. When I did rap, I could never remember my raps.

I think maybe 75-90 days.

Good News!

More people watched Australia play Italy than they did Border Patrol.

I can call off my plans to kill you all (for the time being).

No Mousing About

Got this new mouse today.

Fucken….. doesn’t feel right.

I don’t feel very funny because it. Sorry. I’m just a bit… eh… on edge.

Forming Synapses

If…

Business people eat Thai

AND

Working-class folk eat pie

AND

Britney Spears is a bit of a skank and I’m glad I didn’t hit it when I got the chance

AND

Fish live in bowls

THEN

?

Is there nothing but silence?

OMG Truth Serum

Not all of these posts are true.

Especially the ones about my sexual exploits.

{{OMG Truth Serum}}

My New Book Idea

I think I’m going to write a book called “Training Wheels.”

It will be a story about how I train a dude, named Wheels, how to do his job.

It’ll be pretty crazy. He’ll overcome a shitload of obstacles and really grow as a person. The book will be spread over a two-week period, and instead of an introduction I will have an induction section.

I will win many awards, but I will not forget you (much).

Not Fast Enough

I need to listen faster. Today some chick was all “I have no idea”, but after she said “I have no i….” I freaked out and said “ah… well… your artificial eye looks very convincing.”

This is becoming a real problem.

Australia’s Hottest New Joke!

Rubbing your penis on a friends face while another friend holds them down (no sexual assault)

Life

Fucking cunts shit me to no end. That’s today’s news.

Pardon my French.

Allez vous parallelogram.

Sexcapades

Once I had sex with a stick insect.

I shit you not.

A real, live stick insect. It later died when I spooged on it's head, but it was live for the most part.

It was hot. Now I see what everyone digs about models.

Fight Club

Instead of raising my voice when I get into an argument, I simply raise my hands and constantly talk with inverted commas.

Shits people to no end.

Poetry

Her eyes were green and intriguing
Much like the discharge from her cunt

Close Your Eyes, Sweet Child

Every time I close my eyes I see dog-like dragons. It’s driving me crazy.

*blink*

DOG LIKE DRAGON

*blink*

DOG LIKE DRAGON

I’m going fucking insane.

The Road To Raw

I still can't decide if I want you guys to help me choose what material I "perform", or not.

You Ought To Be Ashamed of Your Shelf

It's rather crooked!

More Advice From The 50-Year-Old Divorcee Guy

Your daughter is an untapped resource of potential partners. Why not suggest she ask her friends over for a sleepover? You can even buy them Breezers to lower their inhibitions/expectations. They'll all think you're the coolest dad. Wear a leather jacket on the big night to prove it!

Ring and a Watch?

Ring and a Watch!


Ring and a Watch!


Ring and a Watch!



Watch and a Ring!


.

.

.

Ring and a Watch!

Bragging Rights

Tonight I totally ploughed a chick.

By chick, I mean rare native plant in Alice Springs. And by ploughed, I mean I wished I had seen.

Something For Discussion

Every girl named Kate says “Something For Kate is a great band, and not just because their name and my name is the same.”

Every guy named Kate says “What the fuck is with my name? I am too depressed about my name to think about music.”

God Hates Filthy Swedes

Who doesn't?