Thinking of Doing a New… Something Else

Man… this is kind of boring. It’s not terrible but it really is average. I think I might do something else. Here are some ideas:


That

That looks good


This

Already doing this. Not that good. Hence the reason for looking elsewhere.


What They’re Doing

Looks pretty fun. Could be fun.



*sigh*

I dunno...

More Watersports

After the post the other day titled ‘Watersports’, a lot of people emailed me wanting to know more about pissing on people. Like I’m some sort of overnight phenominon in the area or some shit.

Check out a couple of the emails (and consequent answers):

“What does pissing on someone feel like?”

Like (pissing on a) waaaarm apple pie.

“Where can I meet people to piss on/that will piss on me?”

Public toilets (at night). Also, internet.

“Wanna hook up and piss on each other?”

Pics first thanks.

The Joke Is In You

Last night I was totally trying to fuck this chick but I slipped and accidentally made love to her.

Whoopsidaisy.

Dirty Dishes

Uh oh. The dishes are piling up again.

It’s okay though because they’re caked with gold/freedom and all I have to do is extract it (with a sponge).

Ray Martin is a Cunt

Hey, sorry old ladies. Don’t mean to diss your sweetheart. But that heartless cunt sat with Terri Irwin for the entire interview while she cried and didn’t hug her or offer her tissues or try and console her or anything.

Fucking heartless arsehole. Couldn’t he see she was grieving?

Was he just cutting her self esteem down so he could fuck her after the interview? NOT cool!

If Ray Martin comes to you saying shit like “but your husband is dead”, “it must be weeks since you’ve been fucked”, “want to feel my strange hair caress your inner thighs?” and “do you want to feel good again, baby?” then WALK AWAY.

A couple of times he asked if she wanted to stop, but that was it. And the conviction with which she said no, she wanted to carry on, hinted that, just maybe, before the interview began, Ray Martin AKA "WILF (work it out) HUNTER" had threatened to rape her if they took a break from filming.

Words That Don’t Make Sense Normally But Especially When The Person Saying Them Is Crying

Crocoseum

Caveat Emptor

Lately I was wanting a snake so I went to a pet store and got one. I pointed at a snake and asked the shopkeeper if that was the best snake in the world. He said it was, definitely.

But I got it home and you cannot imagine my anger. The dude ripped me off! The fucking snake was all bent and shit.

Danger!

I’m thinking of putting a mock street sign on my door that says “Danger! Bulldogs Fans Only!” to warn people that only Bulldogs fans should enter my room. If they do enter my room I hold no liability for any teasing I make of their preferred sporting team.

Week at the Knees

I recently spent a week at the knees. It was pretty strange actually. Not what I’d classify as a normal destination.

It was okay I suppose. There was a bit of water and some views. Not very high views though… Mostly just of ground and shit like that really…

Wouldn’t really recommend it. Still, I’ve had worse holidays.

Watersports

I like to go to department stores when hotbabes are working and buy mattress protectors. Like… a LOT of mattress protectors. I engage the hotbabe customer service representative in a conversation about them and the relative benefits of each brand.

“Does this one handle well under rough conditions?”

“If I spill a bit of lube on it I’m not going to have any problems am I?”

During Grog Bog

Everyone knows that the After Grog Bog (AGB) is awesome.

But a lot of people are ignoring the During Grog Bog (DGB). It’s sort of hazy and shaky and it’s a little bit like getting really drunk and having a chick fuck you in the arse with a strap-on but with a strap-on that is well lubed so it doesn’t really hurt and so it’s just like taking a dump, but also not really like taking a dump.

If that makes sense…

A Testing Saying

People say that children should be seen and not heard.

A true or false question on a test to determine if you are deaf says something very similar.

Mostly About Velcro

I like to hide velcro.

I think velcro is a toy all to it’s own.

The only thing I enjoy more than hiding velcro, is hunting for velcro.

People see me coming and say “here comes that cunt that likes velcro. Don't bother hiding your velcro because he will just go and find it."

Pickup Line of the Weekend

This weekend’s pickup line of the weekend was “hey, you’re hot. Can I yell into your vagina?”

Well…

Well I’ve got food poisoning. But I guess that’s the price to pay for living life on the edge like I do.

Sick of Making Lists

For a short period in my life I was really sick of making lists. They bored me. This roughly coincided with the period in my life when I had a slight lisp due to a botched medical procedure.

I remember one time someone asked me to make a list. “But I’m sick of making lists,” I said. Only, because of the lisp, list came out sounding like lisp. The person thought I said, “I’m sick of making lisps,” and so he replied, “yea, I know it’s rough. It will all be fixed up soon though. Why not make a list to distract yourself.”