Introducing...

THE CHEESECAKE CONTAINING SIXTEEN (DIFFERENT) CHOCOLATE ELEMENTS

The (Final) Countdown

It goes down TOMORROW NIGHT.

Until then, why not speculate as to what it could be? Yeah, do that.

*for those that know what it is, you may not tell. However, you may discuss how awesome it is on a scale of 1-7 (7 being {{totally awesome}}, 1 being pretty crap really)

What's That Smell?

What that smell?

I'd ask people what that smell is, but what if it's coming from me?

What is that smell?

The Countdown

2 days to go

The Tale of The Girlfriend and The Dog

My girlfriend has been hassling me for a baby lately. I said we should try getting a dog first. She got pissed off because she thought I was changing the subject.

I just really want a dog. I’m so lonely.

No Longer an Oyster Virgin

As some of you may remember, despite being a fatty I had never tried oysters before.

Notice I said 'had'? That's right, bitches! Jobey dun popped his oyster cherry open.

They went down a treat, too. 1/2 a dozen oysters mornay and 1/2 oysters with Tetsuya's dressing from the Oyster Bar in David Jones food hall, all washed down with a tall glass of Chandon Rose.

Awesome.

This Is That Line

Sometimes I draw lines on objects.

Then I point to it and announce that "there's the line".

People get it.

The Countdown

3 days left until, basically, shit goes down.

The Road to Raw

Well today subscriptions are open for the Raw Comedy 2007 mailing list on the official Raw site.

Of course I signed up!

They said heat signups open in December and the NSW heats should begin in the last week of January.

I'll keep you all posted.

Treat Her Rightly

I think some girls like how I talk down to them and show little interest (because those damned bitches will steal my wallet!).

Girls are so fucked up. I hate them so much.

FYI

It was a real live shit! Not even a dead one (which would have been mildly better).

FYI

Down For The Cause

If I was a famous conspiracy theorist I’d make sure I died in highly suspicious circumstances so people would think the Government was pissed off at me for telling it the way it REALLY is.

The Countdown

4 days left until you all become jealous and our relationship suffers because you harbour a deep resentment for me and what happened on this day.

Young Girl Lost

I once had a girlfriend who dressed like she was 12. It was okay because she was 12 at the time, but part of me was disappointed because I thought she was more mature than that.

Where Does The Time Go?

Where does the time go, when it just wants to be alone?

Brooch The Subject

I wish I had an expansive brooch collection so I could chat to old ladies/other male brooch collectors.

The Countdown

5 days until the word 'glutton' is given new meaning

Colour Me ASAP

Children complain that learning maths is annoying because you never use it in the real world.

But what about colouring in? Since leaving school no one has asked me to colour something in, making sure I stay within the lines.

“Jobe, quick. I need that colouring in finished for the Johnston report by COB today!”

High Infidelity

A while ago I was dating a really suspicious hotbabe. One day I was out bushwalking [DJ SCRATCHES] and I saw a snake lying on the path. It was the first snake I had ever seen and I was so excited when I got home I couldn’t wait to tell my girlfriend on ICQ (she was an internet girlfriend).

“I saw a snake!”

“You arsehole! It’s one thing to cheat on me but then to go and rub it in my face?”

It didn’t last very long. I added her to my blocked list after a few weeks. Shame. The cyber was good.

The Countdown

6 days left until the sequel to the 12 cheese pizza is unleashed.

Preempt the Bandwagon

A while ago I mentioned a band (Jobe, is this the 'Week of Referring to Older Posts (TM)'?) that I really do love, named The Blood Arm.

Well their new album is out as of today and you MUST give them a go. The English press are already creaming their pants about it so it MUST be good/shit.

Anyway, you can stream the whole album here so go out and do yourselves a favour.

Plus, when They come to tour we can go together and hold hands (if you are a pretty girl) and maybe look into each others eyes and smile and I can tell you one of my jokes and we can feel happy. When was the last time you felt happy? June? Pathetic.

Love, Revisited, Revisited

So, following up from this post.

Lately I had been wondering if it was really love. She seemed a bit odd and I always wonder, with odd people, if they're capable of love or if they just become interested in you for a while. But there is always that chance that they will be interested in something else.

But last night I realised it is love. The joy, the hopping, the kicking. It's love. Totally and completely.