What Would Jobe Do?

Dear Jobe,

I’m going on a firstdate with a hotbabe in a few days and I have no idea what to wear! It’s been months since I last had a date and I’m pretty rusty.

Thanks,
Firstdater in Decatur


Sup,

When I think about what to wear on a date, the most important thing is always socks. Did you know that your choice of sockwear can make or break a romantic evening? Just following these tips:

• No dirty socks!
• If you’re going to score, then wear socks that aren’t brand new, but are still very presentable. You don’t want to wear new socks and get new sock residue on your foot. The chick will probably not lick your toes.
• If you aren’t going to score then wear new socks, it’s a good opportunity to break them in and they look and smell great.
• If you aren’t sure whether you’ll score or not (ie dating a slut that normal has one night stands but you don’t know if she fucks on dates), then it’s best to wear no socks at all. That way you won’t run the risk of wearing a bad pair of socks.

Also vital to clothing on a firstdate is the t-shirt (if going to a t-shirt venue). The only t-shirts I ever wear are white and brand new, so there is no wearing, discolouration or staining. Because I used to go on a lot of firstdates, I found that I was spending approximately 400 per cent of my salary on white t-shirts. That was until I discovered that you can make your own white t-shirts for next to nothing if you set up a sweatshop in a country like Asia. My Asian sweatshop churns out white t-shirt after white t-shirt for me for only a few cents per shirt.

To make sure my sweatshop runs efficiency I employed the services of Culinary Critic and Iron Chef Judge, Asako Kishi to overlook things.

“This shirt represents a TRIUMPH in sewing with white fabric. A normal white shirt is good, but what we have created her is something truly special. This is very nice.”

Good luck on your date!

Jobe.


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