It’s Not Rape (no, really it’s not)

I was having a conversation with a dude the other day when this fucking bitch that looked like a keg made of fish decides to just join in and ruin the vibe.

It was about this sign for a shop that we saw that had a really weird looking ‘U’ in the title. They tried to be all fancy by making it look weird but it was actually just shit.

Ext. Day
Near sign with messed up ‘U’ in it
Characters: Me, Dude, Chick

Me: Man, the ‘U’ in that sign is fucked.

Dude: Ugh. Really. What were they thinking?

Me: It’s not even fucked really. The ‘U’ probably didn’t get a say in the matter. It’s a raped ‘U’.

Chick: How dare you rape someone and then have the audacity to talk about it!

Me: We weren’t...

Chick: You should be ASHAMED of yourselves!

Me: We said ‘U’ not...

Chick: Oh so now you are going to rape me? I should report you to the police for a threat like that.

Dude: No. ‘U’...

*Dude points at the sign, which Chick doesn’t see*

Chick: A uwe? You raped a uwe? That is just disgusting and highly illegal! How could you think that raping a defenceless animal is any better?

Me: No. I said ‘U’ not ‘a uwe’. You have confused both the ‘U’ I was referring to and have completely raped the grammar of my original statement.

Chick: YOU RAPED THE GRANDMA?

*Me and Dude leave*


This shit happens to me too much.