The Bad News, Then The Good News

Bad: Sorry I haven't been blogging shitloads lately. Been busy with LIFE (not an acronym).

Good: I'm now blogging with 100% cotton seed oil, which is slightly higher in cholesterol than the norm. So you get a bit more bang for your buck.

A Post-Cool Update

Just quickly. This one is pretty essential.

Out: Looking cool.
In: Sweating profusely.

Awkward

The thing I am hating about ’07 is the way that every second conversation ends abruptly with the question “Hmmm. Where the fuck did your knees go?”

I mean… how do I respond to that?

“They’re still there.”
“Oh.”
“…”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”

I’m not quiet.

I’m a post-conversationalist.

Err…. Yea…

Feelings

So last night I went to dinner with some people. All went well. I ate and drank a lot and felt quite good. Afterwards, however I felt a tad sick because I had eaten too much. My dinner guests took my behaviour as an indication that I was off-my-face drunk.

One decides to escort me to the station to make sure that I'll get home alright.

The fuck?

"You okay to get home?"
"I dunno, I'm pretty full."
"Oh fuck! Want me to call you a cab? I don't want anyone to take advantage of you in this state and RAPE YOU."

Life on the Streets

EXT. MACCAS CARPARK AT NIGHT

A group of youths in baggy tracksuits and fitted caps stand around hotted-up shitboxes, swearing and talking about knives and crap like that.

A young man approaches them

YOUTH 1: “Yo, son. What the fuck’s up?”

YOUNG MAN: “Nothin, G. Chillin.”

YOUTH 2: “Where you at earlier, mane?”

YOUNG MAN: “Oh shit. Had to wash my hair and moisturise ey.”

YOUTH 1: “Oh shit son you looking tight!”

YOUTH 3: “Word, son. Skin is tight, son.”

YOUNG MAN GUSHES

YOUTHS FUSS OVER YOUNG MAN’S SKIN AND HAIR

YOUTH 2: “How do you do it, homie?”

YOUNG MAN: “I use Johnson and Johnson in that shit, bro!”

YOUTH 4: “Oh shit yeah!”

Quick Post

Guys, just a quick post letting you know to be careful because there are a few Alanis Morissettes in the blog right now. I’m trying to get rid of them but, yea, fucking perfect enemy and shit. Our battles are tough.

Just don't do anything to piss off the Alanis'.

Dear Science

Please find out where people get their lucky numbers from.

My suggestions so far:

• Some shit that went down in childhood.
• Trauma.
• Parents or something.
• Jesii giving it to them.

TVS Comedy

So TVS is the community TV station or some shit, right? <--Jobe, you sound unsure and I do not believe you.

Well they have some sketch comedy shows. I watched them. They aren’t funny.

(Jobe, are you a snake oil salesman? Ohhhh I bet you are!)

PS Want to buy some snake oil?

(Ohhhhh I knew it! Ahhhh being right is so good!)

It’s cheap!

(Really? How cheap? I can’t pass up a good deal.)