Saturday, February 03, 2007

That’s Such Failure!

So I’m sitting here watching ‘That’s So Raven!’, watching them save a goat. Raven and her friends have saved a goat. What the fuck have I done with my life up to this point?

How many goats have I saved? Fucken, like three, which is NOTHING.

LOL

Firstdating a real hotbabe takes a lot more time out of your day that writing about dating fake hotbabes.

Fuck is this shit, etc.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Official Jobe Merchandise For Sale

Holy crap, we now have a new line of official, limited edition, Jobe SLASH WTOMH t-shirts.

Yeah, they’re old shirts of mine that I no longer wear, but still. Technically they’re Jobe shirts.

And you can buy them! And own them!

They’re a bit worn in (vintage?) and smell a bit strange (vintage?) but I see that more of a strong point.

Only $120 + P/H

Just put your credit card details in the comments section and I’ll bill you. 100% secure.

NOTE: Only sizes available are XXXXL, since I’m a chubby ugger. I will determine style and colour and shit like that.

Hard (Blog) Times (Ahead)

Fuck, shit is getting rough in the blog wars of Jedi or whatever this crazy war is (too busy fighting to check official title).

I really don’t know if I’ll have much time in the next few weeks to update. I mean, yeah, I can pop in every now and then but the days of five--or even three--posts a day are long gone.

And if a few things happen that I hope happen, I may have even less time.

Fuck, what are you guys going to do? I’m the highlight of your day almost.

Please don’t stalk me, okay. I’d get really scared. Fuck, you’re going to do it, aren’t you? Fuck.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Summer Loving

So the school kids returned to their natural habitat (ie school) today, resulting in trains crawling with the little beggers. Well, not crawling, but there was movement of a more standing nature.

And then I realised that I fucked up badly.

I saw these really quiet arse chicks. Not saying much around their friends.

And I decided that next summer I will sleep with a lot of high school age chicks, so they have something to sing when they return to school and are asked to explain their summer, in song.

I’m such an awesome guy sometimes.

Joni Mitchell's Blue

Do the first 20 seconds of this song remind anyone else of Jingle Bells?

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Pan's Labyrinth

The tree is a paedophile. I guarantee it.

I Can Related


Gotta get laid. Gotta get laid. Gotta get laid. Gotta get laid. Gotta get laid. Gotta get laid. Gotta get laid. Gotta get laid. Gotta get laid. Gotta get laid. Gotta get laid. Gotta get laid. Gotta get laid. I get hot in the sun. Gotta get laid. Gotta get laid. Gotta get laid. Gotta get laid. Gotta get laid.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Newsflash

So I’m seducing this hotbabe right when I make an offhanded remark that I have a blog.

She freaks out, like I said I had a cock with her name on it (mental note: possible pickup line).

We get into a heated argument about blogging (omg, like, gay) and she says that if we got married I’d have to choose between her and blogging.

I said that’s a bit fucking presumptuous since we’d only just met and shit wasn’t going well.

She apologised and bought me a lemon, lime bitters.

So, rewind a bit. Since when is blogging NOT cool? I’ve banged like 5 hotbabes via blogging. They thought I was mad cool.

Fucking news to my ears/orifices/newspaper.

WTF RE: ARM

So the feeling in my left arm is slowly vanishing. In it’s place is a sensation that can only be described as ‘numbing’.

What?

You want me to do something about it?

Fuck off, mum!

You don’t understand anything.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Demons

They say that you can take the boy out of the country but you can’t take the country out of the boy. The first time I heard that I thought they weren’t trying hard enough. Now I know what they mean.

Many things have happened since my last post on the subject. The Boy found the blog post and confronted me about it. Understandably, he wasn’t happy and he flew off the handle a bit. While the cheating had him a little riled, he was mostly pissed off at the fact that for the time we dated I hadn’t once shown my cumslut ways and revealed to him that I was a cock-hungry monster. He said he felt ripped off.

I said some things that I should have, too. I told him that the reason I never sipped upon his sticky semen syrup is because he was weak and didn’t exude power like the men I normally spent nights with down dimly lit alleyways.

He got angry and hit me.

It didn’t really hurt me since I’d built an immunity to slaps from the number of monster cocks I’d had bash against the side of my head. But still, he freaked out. He was such a sweet guy and he couldn’t believe that he had just hit me. He ran to our bedroom and hyperventilated for a while. He made some strange noises too. Not sure what they were about.

That night, I left The Boy. I left my new life. I called work in the morning and told them that I couldn’t come in anymore. I left everything behind. When he hit me, he hit something back into place. Once again, I was a cumslut. I longed to feel the warm tickle as cum slid down my neck, towards my chest, like a comforting snail.

I decided to give up the so-called “honest” life and return to my roots. Using the video production skills I’d picked up at my old job and money I made from sucking off coked-up, middle-age barristers in Kings Cross, I opened up an adult movie company. It wasn’t easy and I fucked up a few times, but I've made it work.

The movies are all about me. I suck dicks like there’s no tomorrow. I videotape it. I sell it. The punters love it. I’m a fucking star. I have deepthroated fame and it feels fucking good/filling.

I wrote The Boy a letter a couple of weeks ago, explaining what happened. I told him how I thought that he was a cunt for holding me back from reaching my potential, even though he had no idea. If he loved me he would have known.

He hasn’t replied yet.

So things are looking good now. The movie company is going incredibly well and I get to pick and choose which men I will feast on. I even found a young girl who has the same insatiable hunger for hairy dick that I once had, except in a straight sort of way. I’m going to make her a star like me. I mean, I’ve got gonorrhea in the throat which is a bit of a drag sometimes. But I like to accentuate the positives.

I am a proud cumslut.

The Road To Raw – Be A Part Of It

Have you been captivated by the ongoing saga that is the Road to Raw?

Want to see first-hand how it pans out?

Want to see me act like a bit of a dick and fuck up in front of an audience?

Then you should probably (I dunno, I don’t have all the answers) come and see me have a go at the Raw Comedy heats.

Who: Me
Where: Sydney Comedy Store, The Entertainment Quarter, Moore Park, Sydney
When: Monday, February 26
How Much: $15 adults, $10 students + $2 Booking Fee
How: Just go here to book tickets http://www.comedystore.com.au/site/index.php?page=coming_up (heat #7)

I’ll see you there or some shit.