Tags: Product

I think Smarties should also make a product called Smartys, for people with poor grammar.

People with good grammar will be all ‘what the fuck is a smarty? Me?’ but everyone else will be all ‘not as good as M&Ms’.

There Goes The Rapist - He Walks Like a Rapist

No one looks innocent (of crime) on CCTV.

National Drink Driving Day

Everyone, tomorrow is National Drink Driving Day.

Don’t forget to drink drive home from work, while taking the kids to school or WHATEVER. As long as your driving drunk, that’s the important thing.

The Best Thing About Working With A Part-Time Personal Trainer

He puts fat bitches in place.

Things I Know About… Lily Allen

• Kind of a slut.
• Likes it in the bum.
• English.
• Probably human. <--safe bet

ATTN: Recruitment Agencies

If I tell you that I’m swamped with candidates, don’t send more.

Kthnx.

Dilemma

How do I describe the taste of a vagina to a hardcore vegan?

Hole Lotta Fun

The other day I read that someone had a hole in their mouth.

But then I wondered, don’t we all have holes in your mouths?

Was it an extra hole?

Where was the hole?

Wouldn’t it be a hole in the lip? The cheek (oooo the nerve of that woman)?

Fuck, WHY WON’T YOU STOP FREAKING OUT DURING SEX?!?!?!

More Advice From The 50-Year-Old Divorced Guy

A SPECIAL ROAD TO RAW EPISODE

Jobe, your sense of humour is just one element of your appeal. Chicks love all of that shit. But one thing they love more than guys who tells jokes is guys who will take control of their life. Just like their father. You should do that.

I Concur

This blog is really going downhill.

If it wasn’t for my topless pics in the archive then I wouldn’t get any hits.

The Gift of Giving

The other day an old lady came up to me, smiled and handed me an artichoke.

As she walked off I sort of hoped that she would fall over and break her hip/spirit.

The artichoke would have saved her.