Skinny Girl

You're so miserable in the morning... (possibly malnutrition?? <--research)

OMG Truth Serum

Sometimes I like to get so tired that I’m no longer responsible for my actions.

{{OMG TRUTH SERUM}}

Stalking Saved Babies

So ‘Saving babies’ is a pretty great show, right? Saving babies is just about the best thing next to saving money for your retirement.

But some babies shouldn’t be saved. They don’t deserve it. I think from now on I’m going to stalk the babies that get saved on TV and then kill them because the parents will make money from TV appearances and they will polish up the way they tell tragic stories.

Stop Staring At My Chest

If I was a pirate, I’d get a shirt that said “stop staring at my chest” and it would have a picture of my treasure chest.

Stop Staring At Your Chest

I want to get a shirt made of mirrors so when people look towards my breasts I’ll say “stop staring at your chest.”

At the same time I'd be kind of flattered.

Letters From Iwo Jima

Dear Iwo,

It’s been so long since I’ve laid my eyes upon you. I miss everything about you. The way you move, smell, feel and taste.

It has been agony without you.

My darling Iwo, I must know that you are well.

Love,
Jobe



To Jobe,

Me so horny.

Iwo Jima.



Dearest Iwo,

Thankyou for you letter. While I too am lonely without you, your letter filled me with a renewed vigour upon receiving it.

Iwo, time continues to stretch on but my heart aches no less for you. Do you think we will ever be together again?

Always,
Jobe



To Jobe,

We marry? I be your girl Sailor boy?

Iwo Jima



Darling Iwo,

Oh my dear I would love being your husband! I will cherish you forever.

Money is a bit tight right now as a result of me being sucked into a pyramid scheme, but I will send for you as soon as I can.

Until then, I will count down the days until I can touch you again.

Love,
Jobe

{{The Count}}

9

Modern Day Life Struggles

Damn, it’s so hard to run the blog these days. Blog protection fees are at an all time high. They just aren’t fees-able!

Sup Doc

So I think it would suck if you had this problem where you could pronounce everything BUT “sharp stabbing pain.”

It would really distract from the issue at hand when seeking treatment.

There’s Plenty More Fish In The Sea

Yeah but I bet they’re all bitches like the other ones I’ve caught (with my rod, lol)!

Your Google Questions Answered

Why can’t I ejaculate during sexual encounters?

Perhaps you suffer from premature ejaculation? Don’t worry, you’ll be okay. It’s fairly common in adolescents and young men. If you’re a bit older you’re probably a fucked up weirdo and there’s no hope for you, but you should be okay if you’re young. You’ll want to see some improvement though. Otherwise girls probably won’t really like having sexual encounters with you.