Fuck Comedy

I’m really struggling to tell this awesome story that begins with a man walking into a bar without people expecting something completely different and ultimately complaining that the joke was crap when in truth it was an amazing tale of survival and sacrifice.

A New Job(e)

Man, I really need to find a new job. Shit is annoying. I think it's having an impact on the blog.

I wonder if Steph can get me a job with her at the Coca-Cola Factory Pond's Institute.

This Is That Post

This is that post where I tell a boring story about my childhood that links with something stupid I have done in the past week or so in a way that is intended to be humorous and acutely observational but is really just boring to my readers.

This is that post.

Life

Man, no matter how crap a day I have, a story about a freakishly large sea creature will come along and I’ll feel much better.

The Balance

The good and evil parts of me are showing up too much at times that aren’t really vital. Like I’ll be thinking about having a glass of water or not and the good side pops up on my shoulder and says I should drink it because it will refresh me and has many health benefits, then the evil side pops up and says only pussies drink water and that I should take ice and rape someone instead. And the good side of me doesn’t like confrontations so it’s starting to show up less and less.

This won’t end well.

Coming To a David Jones Near You

After seeing that Stella chick make some clothes for Target, I think I’ll get into the fashion business myself. Don’t worry, I’m not a queer.

So it’s going to be called Contrary Road Clothing and my entire line will be t-shirts with pictures on them of cars travelling in the opposite direction to what the road signs indicate.

Pretty confident it will sell out and I’ll become fabulously wealthy.

Give Me The Single Life

Well I have to say that this newly discovered single life is pretty awesome. I get to be classified as a “swinging bachelor” and no one asks to share my fucking sandwiches (they’re great).

I’m pretty happy/lonely.

{{The Count}}

8

Six Things I Can Do Instead of Moving Out And Having To Deal With The Current Sydney Renting Climate

• Stay at home (and blog)
• Make a tea
• Laundry
• Nazi Germany Helicopters
• Firstdate hotbabes (and porcelain cats)
• Rest assured

Quick Post

This is a quick post to let you know that quick posts haven’t gone away.

The Ins and Outs of Being Post-Cool

Out: Being arrested for a hit and run
In: Being arrested for possessing child pornography

Out: Going to rehab
In: Going to Portugal (Nice chicken! Yum!)

Out: Drinking bottled water
In: Pouring bottled water into the dams (doing your bit, etc)

Out: Being broken up with
In: Becoming a widow

Out: Healthy eating
In: Healthy friends with benefitsing

Out: Adopting third-world children
In: Adopting the pets of third-world children

More Advice From The 50-Year-Old Divorced Guy

I know you’re kind of confused about life at the moment, Jobe, but don’t worry, schoolgirls never age!