Apologies

Sorry I haven’t been posting much. I’ve really been getting into fucked up sex a lot. Like near-death choking and shit. It’s actually really good.

I know it sounds like someone has paid me to endorse fucked up sex but I’m being honest. It’s really good!

This Has Been Another Bad Business Idea

A wide range of milkshake flavoured ice cream.

In a supermarket/all good book stores near you soon.

It's Good...

Lately I just can't give straight criticism. I have to dress it up or divert from the fact.

You know you've hit rock bottom in the ability to criticise stakes when you say a restaurant dish that cost $40 is "not bad, despite being, essentially, a taco."

This Is That Post

This is that post where I say something huge and life-changing has happened to me in the last couple of days and you all go and comment and offer support and guidance and relate stories of you being in similar situations. And I feel better because I made this post. But then we wonder if things will ever be the same.

This is that post.

A Job For Jobe

I think I want to become a Red Bull girl for a living. It’s like a modern day superhero.

You get your fully equipped Red Bull (super)car/vehicle.

A hot uniform.

A great catchphrase “want a Red Bull?”

Minimum exposure to hepatitis outbreak in Sydney.

Arch enemies: slight fatigue, thirst in IT workers, taste

I am so ready to send my resume/curriculum vitae off to wherever is required (headquarters?)!

[insert hilarious photoshopped picture of Jobe’s face on the body of a Red Bull girl]

Future Denied

It’s really worrying how anything you post on the internet is available forever. Even if you delete it, you can still find it in that internet archive thingy.

Which has pretty much shot down my political aspirations. I could have been the greatest politician ever, but my youthful indiscretions will forever haunt me.

I can picture the headlines when I try to run for PM at age 42.

“Do you want a rapping PM?”

“PM condones rape/incest/racism/eating jelly cups (WHAT DISTURBS YOU MORE)”

“PM defends ‘jokes’”