Fucken Blogger

Isn’t letting me post from New York.

I have so many stories to share (about being in New York).

What a Trip!

Hey, sorry for not posting much but I decided to go to New York (aka New York City).

Being in New York (aka New York City) is awesome! All the hotbabes are so fucked up. You try to crack onto one and find out that she likes to dress cats like people before locking them in her bathroom where she intends to have sex in a bath full of champagne while the cats watch on and judge her.

And then you try to leave so you can go back to your hotel but she says you can’t leave without first hugging her knife collection. And you decide to stay for a bit. But she gets uncomfortable and thinks that you are moving too fast.

And their pizzas are big too!

Batch of Hope Soup

Sup peeps?

I'm sick as a dog (that is sick) and have been for some days now.

I have put all of my hope into a basket and then emptied this basket into some stock that I plan to turn into a beef and vegetable soup.

I'll let you know how I go. Or if I die, just assume I went out like a hero.

For the record, I blame Steph for giving it to me. The air conditioning at the Pond's Institute (where she works) is crazy.

Tuesday is Blogging Day

Man, people keep asking me to do things on Tuesday evenings. Hotbabes want dinner, friends want attention, old ladies want new hips.

But I have to tell them straight out: Tuesday is blogging day so I can’t do it.

And Now a Word From Our Merchandise Department

{{Jobe Sighting}}

Got a Boner (And Accompanying Description)

I fear that it may be wrong to have an erection for half of the time you spend at The Amazing Human Body exhibit, which contains nearly 300 bits of dead people.



BONUS GFAM SECTION

I worried that I was getting the erection over male bones. But then I realised that since they’re dead, it’s considered necrophilia not homosexuality and I’m in the clear!

This Justin

If my name was Justin I would have mixed feelings about being a customer service representative for a freight company called Just In.

On one hand it would suck to have to call people and say “This is Justin from Just In”.

But they would respect my authority, thinking that Just In was named after me.