I Won’t Take It Personally, I Promise

The other day I was inspired by African-Americans and Feminists. A pretty deadly combination, I’m sure you’ll all agree.

Seeing them reclaim once hurtful words like “nigger” and “slut” and “cunt” was very powerful.

So powerful that I decided to reclaim my own word: chimney

I am going to use chimney so much that I will no longer be offended by it.

Need to Break The Hobbit

So for practically ever I have been into elf-looking bitches. The way their all of their features are sharp like knives and how they almost look like boys just drives me fucking wild.

But I’ve come to realise that I can’t keep falling for elfish bitches. I need to stop that shit (before it is too late). What if I take one home that turns out to be a boy? Or, an actual elf? Or, worse still, a boy elf?

I’m Positive

You know, things have been good lately. I’m getting out and about and chilling with people and they seem cool. Not worried that they’ll catch something from me.

I guess my therapist was right when she said that being a blogger isn’t the death sentence it used to be.

{{The Count}}

4

QueerSpace

Did you know that this blog doesn’t have a safe place where gay/lesbian/bi people can just chill out without being judged or whatever and where they can make muffins in peace?

Well I’ve decided that this post and the attached comments thread will henceforth be ‘The WTOMH QueerSpace’.

Enjoy!

Jobe’s Big Brother Blog

Man, totally everyone has a Big Brother blog these days. So I thought I’d start one too.

So my early impressions of the house and the housemates is pretty limited. I haven’t seen any of the episodes yet, but I did manage to catch 10 minutes of Big Brother Up Late last night (TV was on mute though) and I saw a picture of a housemate on Fits’ blog.

Thoughts so far:

• One of the chicks looks like Paris Hilton and I’m pretty sure she is the mole. No real proof yet, just a vibe.
• From the one shot of a corner of the house I saw on Up Late I have decided that it is a nice house, which looks like all of the past houses.
• Having a boyfriend and girlfriend in there and the girl’s ex who broke up with her only because of the distance between them in the house is a total cunt move on the part of Channel Ten and I really hope that some bad shit happens so they learn from it.
• Can’t see any brunette chick housemates yet. Shame.
• One of the blonde chicks seems like one of those blonde chicks who is really loyal to her friends and jumps from unsuccessful relationship to unsuccessful relationship in search of qualities that don’t exist in any straight men.

Keep checking back for more analysis as the series progresses!

WTOMH Live! Melbourne Tour

So I'm currently in talks with some promoters to bring the WTOMH Live! show down to Melbourne in a couple of weeks.

This is an exciting development (of news).

Immune

I heard you can fool a breathalyser into thinking you’re under the limit if you’re heaps pissed but you have a hotbabe you’re trying to impress in the passenger’s seat.

NOTE: I heard it only works if she’s in the passenger’s seat, no other seats work.

This Is That Post

This is that post where I get really emotional about a certain topic and reveal a lot of personal information, only to delete it from the blog the next day.

This is that post.

Room With A Few

So I got a room with a chick the other day. A few people suggested it when they met us and we decided to give it a go because we’re cool like that.

It was really fun. We got a room then stood around for a while wondering what to do with it. Then we painted it and redecorated it. That was great and killed about four weeks. Very tiring though. We were pretty glad that one of the things we did with the room was put a bed in it.

Language: An Expose

Introduction

The other day I was wondering how it was odd that there are so many different languages out there and not a lot of information about where these languages came from. I mean, sure they evolved, but I reckon that if that was true there would be more evidence. So I decided to go in search of evidence.


The Search

After days of searching I was no closer to the truth. But I stumbled across something odd. You know all of the important, early writers on the history of language? Yeah well they’re pretty fucking dead right now.


The Theory

Aliens started language and are still around now to kill people who write about the history of language and stumble across the truth.

{{The Count}}

5

The Customer is Always Right

Matt is one of the best customer service representatives there has ever been. Customers look forward to having him serve them and will often let people go ahead of them in the line so they can wait for Matt to be free.

Not even complaints phase him. Matt looks forward to seeing angry customers and winning over their trust. Just last week he had a client come in threatening to take their business away because of how poorly the had been treated in the past. After 10 minutes with Matt they were laughing and singing the papers for the company to look after even more of their business. No one can read a customer like Matt. Every move of the body and word he speaks is perfect for the situation.

Incredibly, Matt has built a relationship with the CEO of the company. The CEO and Matt regularly catch up to discuss what can be done to improve the customer’s experience. A customer service program that Matt introduced brought in $50 million dollars worth of business for the company.

The CEO has regularly told Matt that he can have any job in the company that he wants (except CEO, lol), but Matt continually turns him down. Matt loves working with and for the customers. He wants to do it forever. He likes the thought that the old ladies who visit him regularly go home and touch themselves in bed while their husbands sleep next to them. He imagines the sounds they make and the smells that their decades old vaginas generate.

His talent and pretty hair is the reason that Yvonne wants Matt. She has been courting him for months and tonight they are finally going out on their first date. Matt chose the perfect location.

They are having a terrible time and Matt is confused. He thinks he is making the right moves and saying the right things but Yvonne just keeps looking madder and madder.

She throws her napkin down, pushes her chair back, yells “I am not one of your customers!” and storms out. And for the first time Matt doesn’t know what to say.

Everyone looks at Matt as he wonders what happened.

Matt cracks a joke and everyone laughs and falls in love with him. Each table asks him if he would like to join them for dinner, their treat. He chooses the table with the old widows on it, to their obvious delight.

Throughout the course of the evening they will madly flirt with him, but in a joking way so they won’t feel upset when he rejects them for being so old. But what they don’t know is that he wants to go home with them. He is going to try and have sex with all of them, at the same time, tonight. The collective scents of these women in orgasmic delight is better than a lifetime of happiness with that bitch Yvonne.

A Bad Situation

Why is there always a hostage who needs fucking medication for something?

I would never think of planning for something like that.