If Adults Wore Diapers

This is one of those posts that would look better on TV. So what you need to do is use your mind as a TV and imagine what it would look like. You may need to stand in front of a mirror to see it in your head though.

So I couldn’t help but wonder what the world would be like if adults wore diapers and it was socially accepted. What you need to do in order for this to work is imagine adults wearing diapers in the following situations (I’ve provided helpful hints):

• At dinner. A lot of people in a restaurant and people start sniffing their arses. Someone has shat in their diaper. Similar to when a mobile rings and everyone checks theirs.
• Having sex. A girl and a guy are about to totally fuck. She takes off her top, takes off his, then goes down on her knees. She unbuckles his belt, undoes his pants, pulls then down, pulls the straps on the diaper…
• In parliament. John Howard is delivering a speech, attacking the opposition, when he suddenly pauses and has a strained face, then he resumes the speech.
• On a firstdate. A couple are on a firstdate when suddenly a guy looks embarrassed then excuses himself to use the bathroom. In the bathroom we see him on his mobile to his mother, asking her for help. “Yeah, mum. It’s happened again. Can you come and change me?”

If this post is shit then it’s you and your imaginations fault.

Ummm

I could do one of the following two things tonight:

• Write another post using the formula.
• Do another audio commentary thing

But I don't want to treat you that way. I think highly of you. It would be patronising if I didn't give you anything but my best.

Dear Martin

I like your Place and walking through it.

I hope that's okay with you.

Your Easyway staff are totally awesome in your Place too. That made it easy for me to get my fix.

And I like that I can avoid eye contact with everyone and it seems normal, not weird like normal.

Jobe on [strike]TV[/strike] the blog

Yeah, so I won't be on TV anymore.

I won't be in your loungerooms "Ohhhh get the fuck out" doing things to your curtains "they don't match the drapes lol, etc".

Ummm yeah. You'll get over it.

Don't cry. Shit. There there or something. I'm not good at feelings.

I'm all out of ideas tonight, sorry.

Not weird, unconventional

I can't stop saying this over and over in my mind.

It's fucked.

WTOMH Live (but taped, but on TV)

I can’t give away too many details yet, but there is a chance that I, Jobe of WTOMH fame, will be appearing on your televisual plasma sets in a month or two.

Are you excited?

You’ll finally get to see what I look like (but Jobe, I thought that was you in all those pictures of you that you posted <--lol it wasn’t).

DOWNLOAD THE AUDIO COMMENTARY

I Cut Myself

So I was fucking around in the kitchen today and I accidentally cut myself with a knife. Fearing death, I headed into the doctors to get shit examined. But the only thing I got was ATTITUDE.

The first thing he asked me after looking at the wound was whether I’m part of the growing subculture known as “emo”. I told him I wasn’t, but he didn’t accept my answer.

He decided to administer the “MCR test” by asking me if I knew what MCR stood for. I said I did. Most people my age do. He mumbled something under his breath before turning away. It sounded like “because they’re emos”.

WHERE THE FUCK IS THIS POST GOING?

Forget about it…..

I Don’t Care

Lately, I’ve really been trying to do more things with no regard for other things.

It started the other week when I overheard a hotbabe saying she was going to eat a pie with no regard for the consequences. It stirred many reactions in me, such as “fuck consequences I’ll bash you!” and “horny” and “I hate consequences so bad it’s like there is no relief from the pain (of consequences)”.

Things I’ve done in the last week with no regard for other things:

• Wrote a shopping list with no regard for NASA
• Cut up a piece of paper with no regard for miso soup
• Killed a cop with no regard for cops
• Found a dollar on the floor with no regard for looking at the sky

Jobe’s Weight Maintenance Blog

Starting Weight: 145kg
Previous Weight: 145.5kg
Current Weight: 147kg

Well I fucked up again. I signed up to adultmatchmaker.com and started having a lot of sex. Sometimes as often as 3 times a night with different people. I thought that all of the physical activity would be good exercise, and I could get my weight back down to my goal weight of 145kg. But the only girls that will have sex with me are feeder-type chicks that always bring over heaps of food to stuff into me after we have sex.

I’m not a scientist (of nutrition) but I’m pretty sure any kilojoules expended during sex are negated when you are forced to eat an entire black forest cake afterwards.

Fucking adultmatchmaker.com. I hate you.

Attn: Girl who came over the other week and wouldn’t screw me because my sheets were too dirty

I’ve cleaned them today.

Can we screw now plz?


DOWNLOAD THE AUDIO COMMENTARY FOR THIS POST

Something I Saw (Through Rose-Tinted Glasses)

I was at the shops in Burwood today (ed’s note: not today) during lunch and saw an odd sight while waiting for my Easyways beverage.

There was a model standing in the window of a sunglasses shop, holding a very tacky “sale” sign and wearing skimpy clothing for what was one of the coldest days of the year.

I struggle to see how the cost of hiring a model to stand in your shop window can be less than the profits made from selling sunglasses.

True and False

People are always asking me if a certain post is true or not. So I thought I’d set the record straight by taking a look at some posts and revealing whether they are true or, in fact, false.

But then I started doing it and it was a lot of effort, so I didn’t do it.

Instead, please enjoy a song of me rapping about masturbation.*

*note: No link provided, find it for yourself (if you dare?).

Weird Things Happening

So I went to see this guy at his place about some stuff, but when I got there I couldn’t see him. I was totally blind.

Then I left and I was okay and I could see again.

Weird.

It’s True, I’ve Got Love For You

I can’t recall a time when I’ve ever felt so happy and at peace with everything. So I guess this is it, my dear. Laying here with you, with nothing but a blanket and the warmth of each other protecting us from the bitter weather that prowls outside of the window. Bliss.

I wouldn’t have thought that being with you on a night like this would make me so happy. You always used to complain at the slightest fluctuation of temperature. But tonight you haven’t made a single comment about the cold.

The wind howls and the rain drives, but we’re silent, our bodies so intertwined that I don’t know where I stop and you begin. Normally that would have freaked me out because your right leg is really odd and I wouldn’t want to be associated with it, but right now I don’t care. It’s just perfect. Not your leg, that’s still fucked, but the scene.

What I love most is the peacefulness. The weather pounds at the window and shakes the house, some music plays in the background, and you breathe far too loudly like always, but I’m so incredibly at peace.

Every touch is met with a change in your breathing, which I suppose is getting to me a bit, but it’s still kind of hot that I’m turning you on. Your skin is supple and smooth. Not oily and a bit moist like it normally is. I can’t feel the scabs on your thighs but I guess they’re still there. I’m avoiding that area because I want this evening to remain perfect.

I never though it was possible, but right here, right now, I love you.

The Film Biz

Do actor/directors cut themselves?