The Future's Not Pretty, Nor Am I
So there's this astrology shop down the road from me where you can get your fortune told. They also give haircuts. I guess they thought "well, I give really good haircuts, but I also have magical powers, so I'll combine both of my loves into one superstore..."
When I needed my haircut that place was the obvious choice.
So yeah, turns out that my fortune was that I'd get a shit haircut.