Safety Day

I am so happy that these people are now off the streets:


What were they doing on the streets in the first place? It's a great way to get yourself hit by a truck or, worse, a car.

It's a fact that people with red hair are involved in hit and runs more frequently with those people who have less-evil colours of hair.

It was only a matter of time!

Wots Tha Deal, Blud?

So my house basically smells like blood sausage right now.

Like the blood sausage, I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

Also like the blood sausage, I don't think my housemates will like it much.

Also like the blood sausage, it is doused in mystery and some petrol.

It's Hit The Fan Now!

When I get angry I hit the fan.

Totally punch it.

I strike the fan.

Note: I stop it from spinning first otherwise it would hurt.

But yes it does help to placate my anger. Except the odd occasion (60% of the time) when I hit the fan so hard it breaks and I get angry because I have to buy a new one.

The Interviewed Few

I got interviewed today.

It was pretty exciting.

I think I'll pursue this career further if I get getting all of these awesome interview opportunities.

I think I got the job (of being an interview subject).

RSSnake

So I got onto this subscribing to RSS feed business that is hotter than ice right now.

While I used to spend an hour to check my favourite blogs for posts, now it is done in second.

I don't know what to do with all of these efficiency gains.

I think I might sell them to a devil.

Calling Card

He called.

He said what I didn't want to hear.

The Unfortunality of Living

Poor Librarians.

It could have been a good show. I could have been a fan.

But since it is only passable in the humour stakes and Newstopia, the current God of Australian Comedic Laughs, provides a jarring comparison immediately after, I don't think anything will become of our mild attraction.

Why Hasn't He Called?

It's been 3 days. Just like the 3 day rule says.

*stares at phone*

*whimpers*

Desperate Times

I want to shower, but if I shower he might call while I'm in there.

So I won't shower yet.

I just want him to call so bad.

Why Won't He Call?

Why won't he caaaaaaaaall?

*stares at the phone, willing it to ring*

Caaaaaaaallllllll

New Layout

What does everyone think?

I think it's an improvement.

An LOL

I had to laugh (out loud) when I got half way through the sketch show I'm writing before realising that I have no idea what to do with a completed TV script.

Thoughts about what to do with it when completed:

• Put it on Ebay.
• Write another one.
• Go busking with it.
• Go skiing with it.
  

Faxy Lady

Hey, what's your fax number?

Quickly, I just have something I want to fax you quickly.

Clue: It is like a recipe, but not exactly.

Nutritional Information

Hi all. A few people have requested the nutritional information of this blog (in a rude manner, I should add). Well here it is:

Serving Size: 3 posts / 0 g

Calories 0 / Calories from Fat 0g

Total Fat 0g
Cholesterol 0g
Sodium 0g
Total Carbohydrate 0g
Protein 0g

Vitamin A 0mg
Vitamin C 0mg
Calcium 0mg
Iron 0mg

The Lippy Paraplegic

Paralysed people are normally pretty nice people. I suppose they have to be because using their personality is the only way their can make friends. But this one paraplegic I met the other day was a real fucking cunt to me for no reason. I don’t think he even knew it either, but he was a real smart arse.

I first saw him on the train station waiting to catch a train. He was waiting there and I suggested that perhaps he build a ramp or something to board the train, since he would no doubt plunge to his death in the gap without said structure.

He said that he’ll be fine and he can manage with gaps like that in his “chair”.

So then the train came and obviously he was struggling massively to get on. So I give him a pull into the carriage so he doesn’t die (or get further crippled) and he starts having a sook about how he can do it himself.

Whatever.

And then, being the nice guy I am, offer to tie him off against a pole or something so he doesn’t slide away heaps.

He laughs at me (can you believe it) and says that the “chairs” don’t just roll away like that.

I tell him that they obviously do since they are based on wheels.

He points to something and says that they have a break function.

It just got me really riled up...

Step 6: Grieving

Man, I miss the days when people commented on this blog more than once a week. What happened to all the unemployed and work-avoiding masses?

RIP 2pac, you were the best ever.

Guest Poster: John Howard

Hey families!

It's J-Ho here, just dropping by with another guest post on Jobe's blog. It's been a while since the last one, but after my policy launch today I thought it was pretty important that I dropped by to let you know that I still care about you.

I mean, you're in an Australian family aren't you? Or, if not, then you're American. I hope.

But whether you're an Australian family or an American, I want to let you know that I'm here for you.

Did you see the benefits I outlined today? I am bringing in so many benefits that I feel pretty sore. And it's not because I'm an old guy, there was just that many!

I think you'll love my if you have kids or if you're going to buy a home. And I think that we all fall into that category, don't we?

Well I don't because I don't need to buy a new home and my kids are all grown up, but I'm not worried. J-Ho doesn't mind sacrificing himself so that you have a bit of extra money!

I bet Rudd wouldn't sacrifice himself. He's still young (read: inexperienced) and with all the discounts for people buying houses, he just may buy another house before he dies and you can bet that he'll claim a tax rebate or something if he can. Or if not then he'll probably raise interest rates to like 17% again so his wealth accumulates in the bank.

Anyway, I should go now. I have to speak to some media types in a bit, but it was good to catch up again.

Peace,
J-Ho

PS On 24/11 NEVAR FORGET!

Why You WIll/Won't Get On Big Brother

So in reply to my video, a guy has gone on Youtube and made a response of his own to enter Big Brother Oh Ate.

I'm not too familiar with the Youtube Etiquette so I think what I have to do now is provide helpful hints to him about why he will and won't get through to the next stage of Big Brother.

Why neoneoneotube Will Get Onto Big Brother

• Weird finger.
• He would get a job.
• He likes hanging out with friends <--social
• Eager.
  

Why neoneoneotube Won't Get Onto Big Brother

• Too eager. First in line? Pfft. Fashionably late, son.
  
• He is slanted (deformed spine?). It would put viewers off.
  
• He just gave the middle finger to the world.
• Afraid of livestock.
  

Cool!

Good news.

Jose GOnzalez has just done a cover of this blog.

It's pretty much the same except it's slower, accoustic and shitter.

Still Pickin’ Up

Some of you may remember my old pickup line:

“http://jobilates.blogspot.com/2006/06/ladies-love-cool-jobe.html”


Well I’d stopped using it since it kind of got a bit tired and needed a new thrill.

But I realised that I don’t need to keep using the same old line, I can actually keep it changing constantly.

All I need to do is change the threat from raping the baby to anything that has been in the news lately involving babies.

Example:

“If you don’t have sex with me then I’ll kill a baby and dump it in a pond.”


It’s great because a) it’s interchangeable and b) it shows the girl that I keep up with current affairs.

More Great Stuff From Samantha Brett

"The guy should be the first one to pull out, but pull out with love not because you didn't like it, and hug her immediately or give her a loving smile and hold her hands!"

Don't worry, baby. I'll pull out with love.