The Truth. A Sexy Story.

Words by me, original music by Meg.

Queitly Quite Awesome

Doing a spellcheck after writing a blog while drunk and returning "no misspellings".

It's the little things.

I Have a Mind To Train

Tonight's train ride was too much. There was a chick on a mobile saying "let's just have toast", some cunt that was coughing heaps and a hot stupid chick with an ugly smart guy.

I found the latter funny because she was repulsive, but he seemed pretty mediocre too. Not even a nice ugly smart guy, but one of those annoying snide ugly smart guys.

She can do better. Like a dealer or something.

Lame

So I went out and joined Myspace last night.

I feel bad.

http://www.myspace.com/jobilates

Be my friend or some shit. Let's cyber.

Cancer Joke

I saw in the news today that they've discovered a way of slowing the growth of cancer.

That's great.

We haven't stopped it, but we have slightly inconvenienced it.

Where Did This Come From?

I think I've found my calling in life.

I have to sleep with as many people as possible and leave toothbrushes in their bathrooms.

"Is this yours?" they'll ask their housemate, holding a clear blue toothbrush.

"No. Where did it come from?"

"I don't know..."

It came from me!

I'm going to fuck you and leave a toothbrush in your bathroom and there's nothing you can do to stop me. I'm going to have toothbrushes all over the place. Everyone will recognise my clear blue plastic toothbrushes.

"I've got a toothbrush like that in my house" one will say.

"Jobe!" they'll respond at the same time.

Then they'll get in an argument because one told the other not to sleep with me because of what an arsehole I was but she didn't listen. Not my problem.

The Future

Near my work there's this dry cleaning place that is entirely automated. You go to an ATM sort of thing, put in details, put your clothes in a slot, swipe your credit card, come back to pick them up and put in your code, then a slot opens up and your clean clothes are returned.

I just want to use this so bad! I can't wait until I have something to dry clean.

I hate dealing with staff at dry cleaners with their LOOKS and JUDGEMENT.

I KNOW there's a stain. It doesn't MATTER how it got there, just get rid of it!

Fears

They say that people fear public speaking more than death and that public speaking is the top of the list.

I think that was determined by a very small multiple choice question.

What is your biggest fear?
1. Public speaking
2. Death
3. Life
Around this time the person writing the question got bored and didn't put his/her full effort into it.
4. Ghosts
5. Shonky builders

Because if it was an open question, there would be thousands of things scarier than public speaking and death.

Like giving a speech to zombies. A combination of those two fears, but much worse.