Sometimes I'm glad I don't have a girlfriend. Especially when I need to take a shit.
I can just go and no one judges me. There's no embarrassment or whinges to friends.
"Hey, Melissa, how are things with you and Jobe?"
"Oh yeah, really good. But he took a shit the other day, so I don't know if I want to be with him anymore."
"He took a shit? That's bad. Dump his arse!"
"He took 15 minutes in there too..."
"15 minute shit? He might be cheating on you."
"Don't worry babe. You're better than him. He's just an arsehole."
It's so much better with one night stands. If you feel like taking a dump you just take it on her chest and if she doesn't like it then you leave and never see her again. If she likes it you nutt on her face and leave.
If I did that to a girlfriend I'd never me able to look at her again. I'd just see my shit all over her.