5 Minutes of Heaven, Baby

Check the upcoming shows on a side* of the page.

* Hint: it's NOT left.

Good News

I finally get Brangelina now.

And I like it.

Parra.... Legal....

I work in Parramatta.

Sometimes I shorten this to Parra.

But never when I see someone in a wheelchair, because they might think I'm talking about them and get offended.

Sick of it yet?

Nope. Not even close.

Oh Lordy

So I won the monthly portion of this.

I fought against the bottle, but I had to do it drunk

I went a while without drinking once. It was a sobering experience.

Sign of the Times

Sign of the Times

I think if I was going on a quiz show and had to choose a partner, then the last thing I’d want as a partner would be a sign that says "wet paint".

Because, man, they’re so stupid they sit on that wet bench every damn time.

I don’t even want to think about how little they know about modern history.

It's In His Kiss

I’m afraid of becoming a comedian and having to hang around other comedians. Because sometimes comedians ask how much time they have left.

But it’s confusing because so do crazy people that stand at intersections all day.

If I see a comedian and they ask how much time they have left, I look to see if they’re carrying a sign.