Jobe's Weekly Wrap-Up

Here's my wrap-up for my week last week.

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I won't make any more posts until everyone in the world listens to it and loves it and begs me to do this every week. Yes, I'm expecting 6 billion replies.

Guest Poster: Morris Iemma

Hi there everyone!

Morris here. Just thought I'd take some time out of my busy schedule to write to you all and tell you about how committed I am to improving the lives of everyone in New South Wales.

I've had a pretty bad few weeks/months in charge here, but I really think that things will change.

It's not that I've made any particularly bad decisions, I've just had some shocking luck. What could I have done, you know? Every day something crazy happens. I usually spend the first hour of my day just ROFLing at some new mess that has happened. My advisers think that's strange (we advise you to not do that anymore, lol) but I think it's good to be able to laugh at yourself.

To show that I still love everyone in New South Wales, I'm currently making muffin for everyone in my kitchen. Everyone in the state will get a muffin hand delivered by me within the next twenty years or so. Once I've done that then I'll get back to the job at hand: improving Sydney!

It might take a while because I keep burning the muffins (too busy to watch them), but I'll get them done! I have about 7 good ones so far from the batches I've done. So only a few more million to go.

A Rose By Any Other Name

So I've got this new girlfriend sort of thing but it's kind of weird because her name is Toni. I find it hard to say her name because we all know that it's really a guy's name.

I'd even prefer a shit name to Toni. Something like Hyacinthe or Delorus. At least you know what you're getting there.

But a decent female name like Rebecca or Tracey would be much better if I could choose.

Not How It's Done

My housemates keep saying that I should make jokes about them when they come to watch me do standup.

But I don’t think this would bode very well for “house harmony” (a little phrase I coined), since most of my material is pretty offensive.

They say that it’s okay, they wouldn’t get offended.

Well then it wouldn’t be a very good offensive joke if it didn’t offend the person it’s about, would it.

Poetry Corner

I'm covered in tweed.

I wrote a poem.

It's about landscape.

*clears throat* <--unrelated to poem



Hi sailor boy
Feed me lies
About the war
And your involvement
Farewell sailor boy

The tea is cold, Frenchman
It was warm
A long time ago
When you said you'd be here
But now it's cold, Frenchman

Evening officer
Yes, that is my shovel
A crime you say
Yes, I killed him
When did I kill him?
In the evening, officer

Are you my lawyer?
Self defence is unwise
They said, in court
Are you my saviour?
Are you, my lawyer?


Fuck time
Masturbate on clocks