Every Weekend's a Long Weekend When...

There are 3 days in your weekend.

Comparisons

Sometimes I wonder if God was as awkward as me when he was 24.

Like, maybe there's hope for me yet. Maybe God didn't lose his virginity until he was 26 or something. Maybe it's in the bible somewhere. I dunno, maybe I should read it.

Girls, Girls, Girls

So my new girlfriend is a bit of a bitch.



But that's okay, since my last girlfriend was a bit of a bitch and inflatable.



So trading up, etc.

Either/Or: Shart Up

Either



A strange way of saying "shut up"



Or



A command in some really fucking bizarre fetish porn that combines Brazilian fart porn and scat.

WTOMH Live

Tomorrow night (Wednesday July 30)
Ragged Comedy
Lord Raglan Hotel
12 Henderson Rd, Alexandria
8-10.30pm
Free entry

I Got Yer Animal

I saw a lost dog poster earlier. Instead of an actual photo of their lost dog, the victim (?) just drew a picture of a dog. But one of those cartoony pictures of dogs that don't resemble dogs.

But it did resemble that spot dog from kids books. So maybe they're the author of that book series and it was based on a real life dog.

Fuck knows. Living in/near Enmore is weird sometimes.

Honesty is the Best Policy

So I was hanging out the other day, being awesome, when this guy tries to be all friends with me and shit. He's like "hey, you're friends with Trev aren't you? I'm Dean."

But it was really awkward because before he introduced himself as Trev's friend, I was eyeing off his girlfriend, thinking it was some random.

How do I tell him that I really want to fuck his girlfriend, but in an indirect sort of way? He was kind of effeminate so I reckon he would have suggested a threesome or something.

I don't think I want that because then he'd tell Trev that I had a 2 man 1 girl threesome.

That Michael Jordan is So Phony

I got a hotbabe’s number last week. That was exciting.

She was delivering the Yellow Pages. I assume her number’s in there somewhere.

She said her name was Tina Thompson. So I looked under P for phonebook deliverers. The Yellow Pages isn’t as easy to use for stalking purposes as the White Pages.