Worst Thing About Doing Stand-Up

Having to fuck heaps of ugly guys to get ahead.

The cute guys aren't so bad I suppose. If they're washed...

Cute and dirty? Uh uh.

Colin the Whale (a Jobe tribute)

http://www.smh.com.au/news/whale-watch/stranded-whale-to-be-put-down/2008/08/21/1219262401705.html

Table For Four

Today at lunch I sat opposite a poster of the Australian Idol hosts.

It was kind of like I was having lunch with Andrew G, James and Ricki-Lee.

And then some ugly lady came and sat at a table near me and looked at me. She wasn't invited to our lunch. It was so obvious we were talking about business. She had no business to contribute.

Bitch.

Eat It

I was on the train the other day and there was a group of young schoolgirls. Around 14 or so.

They spoke very loudly.

Eventually one announced "I hate sandwiches."

Another concurred. "Me too, but I like rolls."

What the fuck man? Sandwiches are so good. How can you not like them? And how can you like rolls but not sandwiches when they're almost the same thing?

I was so furious that I've been passive-aggressive by eating sandwiches all week. Kind of over sandwiches now, but the anger remains so I'll keep eating.

Attn: Bigfoot

Look, that thing we did a few years back in the woods while I was holidaying in America was just a crazy thing. We were drunk. It was a total one off.

Now that you've been discovered by the general public, I expect that you'll keep the events of that night to yourself.

Everyone else: Feel free to ignore this post.