That's Drastic

So I was watching The Breakfast Club for about the 72nd time tonight, when I realised that I finally got why Brian doesn't end up getting a girl in the movie.

For the first 71 viewings, it always annoyed me that everyone else gets to fuck someone, but he only gets to kiss his essay. It's a great essay, not a slut with no self respect like Claire, but it's still just a collection of words on pulped trees.

But as they say, 72nd time's a charm.

Brian doesn't get a girl in The Breakfast Club because he doesn't know how to talk to women. He doesn't deserve a girl. It has nothing to do with him being a nerd. He just doesn't know how to talk to women; he has no game.

Oh Brian.

Now that I have had this realisation I think I can face a new world of hope and celebration and go out and have a sex with a girl (or guy, whatever). How exciting, ey guys!

Pregnant Pause

I like to go to pregnant girls in the office and say "you look swell!"



They giggle.



Sometimes they giggle so much I fear they'll dislodge the baby and it will fall on the floor, causing more laughter.

Four Letter Word

Some people confuse sex with love.

Not me.

I confuse sex with envelopes.

Gets really awkward at work sometimes...

Responses

To the question "hey, what were you up to?" when friend calls.

Okay: Shaving.

Too much information: Shaving pubes.

Not sure: Shaving excess nipple hair.


Thoughts on the matter?

Picture Stuck (In My Head)

• A line of words that looks like a person, saying "I finally got my"


• Holding out a dot (personified) at the end of those words to make a sentence.

I like it.

Sometimes the words dance.

Bird is the Word

I was talking to a hummingbird the other day and I'm like "so do you, like, sing songs or something?" and he says he doesn't, and tells me a pretty interesting story.

See I thought hummingbirds were called hummingbirds because they are birds which hum.

No, not true. How stupid of me.

They're called hummingbirds because they do this action called "a humming" where they kind of lay on top of you while you are laying in bed and they vibrate kind of slowly and burrow down into you (with vibration). And they let out little moans of vibratory pleasure as they work their way into your core.

So, yeah, I was way off.

What's In Your Trolley? (Promo)

So I've made this TV show. It's called "What's In Your Trolley?" and involves a host finding people in a supermarket and asking them about the contents of their trolley.

It's light entertainment/drama.

So far the TV networks have been pretty unresponsive about it all, but I'm thinking if I get 1 million views on Youtube for a promo I made then they'll buy it for lots of money.