Jobe presents... The Tale of Patricia and the Moth Party

I'm giving up comedy for poetry.



Download here.

I'm not having this conversation, Brandan.

Brandan, I'm not having this conversation.

Anger, Fury, Rice

So The Devil is a pretty fucked dude. Not nice from all reports.

Bad all the time, apparently.

But I just can't imagine anyone being evil while eating rice pudding alone.

If he can still be evil while eating rice pudding alone then I will take my hat of to Devil, then probably run.

Quarter Life Crisis

Since turning 25 last month, everyone has been asking me if I'm having a quarter life crisis.

E.g. "Hey, Jobe. Have you been having a quarter life crisis since turning 25 last month?"

It's fair enough I suppose, a lot of people turn 25 and realise they've wasted their life and they need to change their ways or risk dieing alone and cold with nothing but their stuffed animal collection and pasta recipe book to keep them company.

But my quarter life crisis is essentially wondering "do I masturbate too much?" over and over.

This is a very difficult time in my life. Pretty distraught, etc.

The Future of Eating Out - The {{MYSTERY DEGUSTATION}}

Okay, suspend belief and take a walk with me here for I have discovered how people will eat out in the future.

It's called the {{mystery degustation}} (yes, shouting text is back).

How it works (good question!):
- 2 or more people go out with the intention of having food. 1 person is the host, the rest are the guests.
- The host takes the other person/s to a minimum of 3 (three) places to eat in the evening and does all of the ordering (or instructs the staff to bring recommendations).
- The guests have no idea where they're going or where they're eating.
- A small amount is eaten at each place and the party moves one.

Done.

I don't think people are ready for this. The first person I tried it on freaked the fuck out, complained about having too many animals in his stomach.

A Better Child Abduction Joke (I Think)

So the media is going nuts over child abductions at the moment. You can't even open the paper without seeing reports of new abduction attempts ever day.

I don't get it, why abdut children? They're annoying and costly.

Why not abduct something better, like Wiis?

I would probably be more interested in reading the newspaper if Wii-abduction articles appeared more often.



On second thoughts, maybe not.

This Is Where Love Starts

So I was out at lunch the other day and who do I see, lurching towards me?

Yep, him.

He recognised me and said hello.

I think we're destined to be together.

I Just Can't Get My Shit Straight

Not even curly, like fake dog shit.

It's just... nothing...

Most boring shaped shits ever.

Career Korna

Today I tried that "stay back to 7.30 at work" thing everyone has been talking about lately.

Not for me.

Child Abductors: Not The Smartest People

Child abduction is probably the media's hot topic at the moment. Yet people still keep trying to take kids, despite bein almost guaranteed to be reported to the police and reported about.

What's the go with that?

Wouldn't you wait until the heat dies down first before trying to take the kids?

Look, I just think that if the situations were reversed I'd be a better child abductor than that current lot.

I'd still be a better underappreciated blogger-type dude as well.

So I just don't know what they're bringing to the table.