How not to start a wedding/best man speech

"Like Jesus and Australia's most convicted paedophile, Geoffrey Robert Dobbs, Steve has touched a lot of people..."


I really need to run my shit by people first.

"Get a second opinion" sort of thing.

I Must Admit, It's a Cool Name...

I sometimes wish that my name was 'Mustard Mit'.

It'd be so cool. I could start all of my sentences with "I, Mustard Mit..."

eg "I, Mustard Mit, would love another steak. Thanks, Dave. I, Mustard Mit, think that this is a most excellent barbeque."

Yep, things sure would have turned out if my name was Mustard Mit. I'd have friends and wouldn't be afraid of cats and wouldn't prematurely ejaculate.

Nope, none of those problems for old Mustard Mit. He'd be an absolute dude.

A Referendum

Hey gang,

We're pretty close, right? Cool.

So it dawned on me lately that I'll need to have a "headshot" handy in case I make it into the massive comedy bigleagues good time one!!!!! which is pretty fucking close/not going to happen really.

So I was thinking, should I replace my picture on the right hand side (that's >>>>>>> unless you're using an RSS reader) or stay with the current picture of the gremlin riding the triceratops, which is the greatest picture ever.

Key factors to consider:
- I'm a big of an ugger, whereas the gremlin is handsome.
- People connect with people, not gremlins.
- I once ate a punnet of strawberries, naked (that won't be the picture).

Let me know.

On Disappointment

Earlier, I ate a very disappointing honeydew.

After I finished, I couldn't help but think that, while eating the disappointing honeydew was was disappointing, it was nowhere near as disappointing as eating a disappointed woman.