The Breakup

I've got this really close female friend. We're at that stage of our relationship where the gifts we get each other are kind of like the gifts you'd get someone you're dating.

Like, for my last birthday she got me some cologne and cufflinks, both of which are absolutely perfect for me. Only someone that knows me well could have known.

And for Christmas I got her this first edition of a book she really loves. Also a great gift because she loves old crap like that.

But I think we need to break-up the friendship. It's way too expensive.

Fish Story

I got a fish today.

Man, such a marvellous fish. There really is no other way to describe it. Well, there are plenty of other ways to describe it but they would mostly be incorrect.

My House

My new place is pretty zany, I have to admit.

Like, yesterday morning, I was coming out of the bathroom and my housemate goes "all finished in there?"

And I said "yeah, she's all yours."

But our bathroom isn't female!!!!! Total rofl.

Career Development

I'm thinking of going back to school and getting my HSC.

I've already got one and that was a pretty bad experience, but I figure it will be a bit easier than getting an MBA.

Jobe is a Bad Man

I woke up in the unfamiliar room still under the influence of the alcohol from the night before, mouth tasting like vomit, bruises I couldn't account for (I never bruise, where they they come from?), feeling like I wanted to die.

And I realised that I felt exactly how most of the women that have slept with me must have felt.

And I felt like a cunt.

I went to throw up again. I cried. It could have been from the throwing up, but it could have been regret. Warm, salty, flowing regret.

He Had The Motive

Sifting through the wreckage of Friday night, I can't help but wonder what did it to me in the end.

Was it the cocktails? The wine? The beer? Or was it... the butler?