Scratch Me Unhappy

I hate scratchies, because even if you win you still lose.

There's nothing more pathetic than having to go to a newsagent and claiming your massive $2 prize. Oh, you won $2 but you lost your dignity. How much was that worth to you?

Scratchies are just inconveniences with a token gift at the end.

Eshay

Does a dyslexic pig speak normal latin?

What not to say in a eulogy to "lighten the mood"

I think we all knew it would be a stroke that killed Tim.

He sure loved to masurbate.

Ha. But seriously.

Teach... er...

I decided to give teaching a go today, since it's good to have a backup profession in these times of credit crunches (kind of like squats).

It was going really well for the first hour, but then the novelty wore off and the kids started getting on my nerves.

They wouldn't shut up with the questions. “Mrs Jobe, Mrs Jobe” (I went dressed as a woman) they shouted over and over until I went nuts and ran out of there.

Towel, Boy

I saw that Waterboy movie the other day. Pretty cool. So cool that I volunteered to be the water boy at my local football club.

It was going well until the towel boy had some sort of seizure thingy.

In the Waterboy movie, the water boy is revived from a coma state by some really good quality water. So that gave me an idea.

I went to the shops and got a really good towel. Top quality. Like 500 thread count. I put the towel in his mouth and down his throat a bit. Didn't help.

It was a good reminder that movies and real life are very different places.