My New Pickup Line

"Baby, you so tender you should be ILLEGAL TENDER and I could get arrest for COUNTERFEITING."


I have to yell some words or they don't get it.

But when they get it... oh yeah... it's on...

Unless a cop overhears and thinks I'm trying to set up a counterfeiting ring.

Paternal Affairs

INT. COURT ROOM. DAY.
Typical court room scene.

BAILIFF: "All rise for the honourable Judge Baker."

Everyone in the court stands up. In walks JUDGE BAKER wearing robe and wig. He takes his seat.

JUDGE BAKER: "Be seated."

Everyone sits.

JUDGE BAKER: "Mr Frosting. Why are we here today?"

MR FROSTING stands up and addresses JUDGE BAKER

MR FROSTING: "Your honour, I am hoping you will grant my request for the man on my left to be my legal sugar daddy."

JUDGE BAKER: "Mr Frosting, what you are asking is impossible."

MR FROSTING: "But, Judge. I want it real bad."

JUDGE BAKER: "I'm afraid I cannot make anyone anyone's legal father. It is impossible."

MR FROSTING: "Well what CAN you do?"

JUDGE BAKER: "I could make him your legal guardian."

MR FROSTING: "Sugar guardian? That sounds okay. Let's do that!"

JUDGE BAKER: "But, Mr Frosting, you are a grown man. I can only make someone your legal guardian if you prove that you are mentally incapable of taking care of yourself."

MR FROSTING: "Judge, I'm a grown man standing before a judge asking for another man to be made his father. I think that proves I'm insane."

JUDGE BAKER: "LOL TRUE. Granted!"

JUDGE BAKER bangs his gavel.

MR FROSTING and the man next to him look at each other and give a thumbs up at the judge.

Eu

I was getting sick of my blow-up doll.

All of that plastic and air. Nothing natural about it at all.

So I got a new girlfriend.

She's heaps better.

Made of sticks and mud.