Correction: Today

A correction to the below post.

I actually drugged a pole DANCER, not a pole.

Whoops. Maybe she drugged me or something LOL (she didn't; she's dead now).

Today

Today I drugged a pole.

Bad News

Well, after the good news of my promotion, the day has ended on a sour note: I am a fat cunt again.

Yep, it's true. Some dudes just drove by and let me know via the window of a car. They yelled it, so it must be true.

Man... not again...

Shameless Promotion

Great news, guys!

Today at work I got promoted from optomotrist to opthamologist!

Psyyyyyched.

Soundtrack by Portishead

This chick fan of my blog sent me an email asking me for my number.

So I sent a picture of my cock with a rubber band around the stem which had caused said cock to go a kind of opaque purple.

Sex

It's like riding a bike.

It's basically impossible if you're morbidly obese.

Listless

I have a shopping list on my desk that I wrote last night when I was pretty drunk.

Along with standard household items I, apparently, have to get some "fail".

I thought I got plenty of it from that girl at the bar I asked out on the weekend.

YOU CAN BANK ON THAT HAHAHA

I was at the bank yesterday and the lady looked at my transaction history and said that I "have a lot of transactions at 'foreign' ATMs" and that I should "really avoid them."

But I don't get charged for using foreign ATMs.

Pretty sure the chick was just a racist.

ARE YOU DEHYDRATED, JOBE?

YES, I GUESS I AM PRETTY DEHYDRATED!