The Relationship - Thirsty Work

I should have seen it as a warning sign.

When I offered her a drink.

And she said, "vodka."

And I said I was all out of vodka.

And she said it was okay, because she'd brought her own.

I made a face that was somewhere between a confused puppy and a hungry owl and she took out a 3/4 full bottle of vodka from her handbag.

"Cool," I said, trying to sound nice.

Because you have to sound nice around girls. That's what they all want: a nice guy. Someone they can take home to the parents and who, when mum starts choking on a chicken wing that she tried to swallow whole because she's morbidly obese, you'll leap u and deliver a firm, yet breathtakingly delicate, heimlich maneouver.