Give Me a Clue, Though

If Colonel Mustard became a qualified medical practitioner, would me be known as Colonel Doctor Mustard?

Public Service Announcement: Kids Alive Do The Two

Because it's summer, there has been a shitslaught of public safety ads designed to stop kids from downing.

Most of them tell you do do heaps of things like:
- Supervise kids
- Teach everyone to swim
- Learn CPR
- Don't each peaches
- Leave the pool gate closed
- Etc

I have a better idea.

Here are my two techniques (TM) that will stop your kids from downing:
- If your kid wants to swim, teach it to swim.
- If your kid doesn't have the ability to swim, tell it to not swim.

FUCKING DONE.

Teared My Pants

I always cry when I'm watching sad trousers.

The Perfect Crime

Had a one night stand last night. That was good (yay sex).

This morning I wasn't too keen to hang around (sport on TV and all that) so I told the chick I had to leave and do my tax.

"Tax waits for no man!"

She was sad but accepting.

Stupid woman. It's not even the end of the financial year. Would would I be doing tax?

Pfft.

I need to fuck more financially literate girls, I think.

More Like Dumbrella

I was on the train the other day and this smoking hot girl (not smoking though, since it isn't permitted on trains) was sitting in my line of sight. So, naturally, I eyeraped her.

She had luggage with her, so it was no surprise that she got off at the Domestic Airport stop.

After she got off I noticed that she hadn't taken her umbrella with her. A near-fatal (over-reaction) mistake on a day with such violent rain.

I would have chased after her and given her the umbrella, but getting off at those airport stations is just SO EXPENSIVE.

I would pay anything for love. But I wouldn't pay that station exit fee, or whatever the fuck it is.

Manly Scent

Most of the time I use deodorant, I mix Lynx with Impulse.

I just find that Lynx is too "manly" on it's own for my.

Time TravelLord

I'm 90% certain that I just went back in time by about 50 minutes.

Lost The Plot (Then Ate It)

Jobe's Weight Management Blog

Target Weight 145kg
Current Weight: 147kg

Ugh. So glad 2010 is over. Such a shitty year.

I found it so hard to stay on track with my goal of hitting and maintaining my weight at 145kg. There were just so many long nights that I didn't have the energy to follow my eating plan, and my weight now shows that.

Here's hoping that in 2011 I can get back to my goal weight and stay there!

Cat Egg

I'm still furious about Easter 2010.

What the fuck was that?

Subquestion: If you have visions of a cat being born at your feet, is that related to Jesus, if it happened on Easter?