I came home late unexpectedly the other night (had to work late and phone ran out of battery) and MAN did my girlfriend (who, ironically, is not a man) get shitty.
"Have you been out cheating on me, you FUCK?"
Yeah, hi, sweetheart.
But it was like 36 degrees that day and I decided that a joke on the heat would be a good way to diffuse the situation.
"Nah, it's too hot to cheat on you, babe."
Now... apparently, that is the wrong answer.