Curtising

So this hotbabe I've seen a few times stayed over last night for the first time.

In the morning I was like "yo, dogg, I gotta go pick up some dry cleaning around the corner. You keep sleeping, I'll be back in a couple of minutes."

So I went out and came back, but it was all an elaborate ruse to get her flowers.

She was like "omg homie, I thought you said you were getting dry cleaning?"

"This is the first of many lies I intend to tell you during our relationship."

Girls dig me.

Book...ish

Thinking of writing a self help book.

It's for hardcore party hotbabes that wonder why the guys they randomly fuck don't even call them again.

It's called "He's Just Not That Into Heroin".

Little Athletics

It's the inconsiderate Olympics.

One person keeps someone up late.

Another wakes someone up early.

Who wins?

Who takes gold?

It's up to you. You're the judge FYI.

Angling for Compliments

There's an old saying in my house:

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day.

But teach a man to fish and he'll go away and won't dirty any of your cutlery.



NB. I live alone.

Dilemma ft. Kelly Rowland

My hotbabe has been crying all the time lately.

It's like... learn a new emotion you one dimensional whore.

(Just needed to get that out of my system)

CLASSIFIED

Firewood.

Free to a good home (because I don't want me excess wood going to a poor home so they can inject it probably as drugs).

Revenge

On the way home today, I saw a girl looking a bit lost and helpless.

As i walk past she gets my attention and with a bit of an accent asks where a certain street is. I've never heard the street name before so I couldn't help.

I walk off, but I walk off feeling guilty that i didn't do more.

Why?

Why the fuck should i feel guilty that she didn't find out where she actually intended to go?

Should i feel guilty that she's a helpless girl, probably from overseas, that is potentially totally lost?

Why should i feel bad? Have any foreign girls ever helped me when i was overseas? Nope!

Did any foreign girls feel bad when one of the hottest girls at school agreed to go to the year 12 formal with me only for me to turn up and find that she actually went with some footballer and it was all just a joke?

No. The foreign exchange students at school got a big fucking laugh out of that.