Fuck MasterChef.

I'd like to see a show called MasterDrinker.

It would be a competition to see who could act the soberest when drunk.

Episodes/Challenges include:
- A bottle of wine and access to a Twitter account
- Unlimited drinks at a work function
- Drink until you see God (person who sees God first is eliminated)

The fun thing about writing comedy is that you spend hours debating the funniness of different words in your head while your chances of having a functioning adult life pass you by.

The greatest trick the devil ever played was this one April fool's when he rigged up a pulley system in his mate Ryan's place so that a fake snake dropped when Ryan opened the door.

My goal for work tomorrow is to use the word "exoticity" as much as is feasibly possible.

Listening to the same music I listened to 2 years ago.

Same job for 2 years.

Reviewing jokes with an eye to tell the same jokes in front of people again, like I did 2 years ago.

Same place for 2 years.

HYPER EVOLUTION

In hindsight, launching my tilt at becoming the next big hard hitting interview on TV by interviewing a horse I encountered, was not a good idea.

It was a dull horse.

She smelled like white chocolate. Me, like dark chocolate.

Eventually, we made love.

You think I'm going to make a top deck joke, but you're wrong. Top deck is white and MILK chocolate.